Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
He was a colourful boxer. Black and blue all over.
Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson? He thought he would give him a paunch!
Chuck was once on the Olympics and he won all the medals but he was disqualifyed for roundhouse kicking the judges because they misspelled his name.
Michael was watching the derby game between Manchester United and Liverpool; Old Trafford was packed and there was only one empty seat – next to Michael. ‘Who does that seat belong to?’ asked the person in the next seat. ‘My wife usually sits there.’ Michael replied. ‘But why isn’t she here?’ the neighbor persisted ‘She died.’ Said Michael in a matter-of-fact tone. ‘So why didn’t you give the ticket to one of your friends?’ ‘They’ve all gone to the funeral.’ said Michael.
Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.
Q: Why is horse racing so romantic? A: Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye.
Q: How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast? A: Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
Yo' Mama is like a hockey player, she doesn't change her pad for three periods.
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
On a Roman warship, the galley boss looked over his slaves and shouted, "Today I have good news. All of you are getting extra food tonight." The slaves all looked at him in silence, except one decrepit old man in the back, who moaned, "Oh God, no, not again." A new slave next to him asked, "Why are you moaning?" "This only happens when the Captain's nephew wants to water ski."