Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
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My yoga instructor says I need to work on my breathing.
But I mean, 41 years, still alive.
I kinda got it.
A couple of years ago the english national team was about to start training in preparation for an important qualifying match when the manager at the time, Sven-Goran Eriksson, discovered a big turd in one of the penalty areas on the practice pitch.
Ok boys, he said, who's shit on the ground?
Emile Heskey replied:
"Me coach, but I'm good in the air!"
I wish this gym had a stationary bike built for two.
Chuck Norris can run a full marathon in just 3 miles.
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Egotistical Harry was always reminding people that he played semi-pro baseball.
"I was the James Bond type of player," he told his friends.
"I had all sorts of tricks to confuse the opposition."
"Batted .007," his wife added.
Q:What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
A:Santa stops after three hos.
What are the most athletic rodents?
Track and field mice.
Q: Why can't white people swim?
A: Cause they get soggy.
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Why did the man keep doing the backstroke?
He’d just had lunch and didn’t want to swim on a full stomach!