Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
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Why did the man keep doing the backstroke?
He’d just had lunch and didn’t want to swim on a full stomach!
While giving a physical, a doctor notices that his patient’s shins are covered in dark, savage bruises.
‘Tell me,’ says the doctor.
‘Do you play hockey or soccer?’
‘No,’ said the man. ‘But my wife and I play bridge.’
Bill and Earl are out playing golf.
They get to the 17th tee, which overlooks a small lake, and see two guys out on the lake fishing.
Bill says, "Hey Earl check out these two idiots fishing' in the rain!"
Q: What do you call 2 nuns and a Prostitute on a football field?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
"I like to watch the World Series. Here's what I do.
I sit down and drink a few beers in my underwear and scream at the TV.
That's until they throw me out of Applebees."
Dave Letterman
Chuck Norris can won the winter Olympics...
In the summer.
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A couple of pigeons made a date to meet on the ledge on the tenth floor of a skyscraper.
The female was there on time, but the male arrived an hour late.
"Where were you? I was worried sick."
"It was such nice day, I decided to walk."
What’s the difference between England and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
Basketball
At a divorce court a family of bears is waiting for the judge to grant custody of little bear.
The judge asks the baby bear, "Do you want to live with papa bear?"
The baby bear replied, "No he beats me."
The judge asked, so do you want to live with mommy bear!
The baby bear said, "No she beats me too."
The judge asked, "Then whom do you want to live with?"
The baby bear says, "The Chicago bears, they don't beat anyone!"
Did you hear the NFL is changing the color off the football to green?
Yeah, you ever hear of a black person droping a watermelon?
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