Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
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These two hunters went moose hunting every year without success.
Finally they came up with a foolproof plan.
(emphasis on fool)
They got themselves a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the
mating call of a cow moose.
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure in the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.
So, they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, in their costume, and began to give the moose love call.
Before too long their call was answered by bull in the forest.
They called again, the bull answered closer to them.
They called again, The bull answered, and came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.
As the bulls' pounding hoof beats got closer the guy in front said, "OK, lets get out and get him"!
After a moment, that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouts -
"THE ZIPPER IS STUCK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?!"
The front guy says, "Well, I'm gonna start nibbling grass,
but you better start to "brace yourself!"
Why is it so hot in a stadium after a football game?
Because all the fans have left.
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
The Golfer asked his Caddy, "Hey boy, do you think it is a sin to play golf on Sunday?
Caddy replied, "The way you play, Sir, its a crime any day of the week!"
When Chuck Norris plays dodge ball... the balls dodge him.
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A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?"
The husband said, "No sweetie."
The woman said, "I'm sure you would."
So the man said, "Okay, I would"
Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?"
And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so."
Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?"
And the husband replied, "No, she's left handed."
Q: What do you get when a dinosaur scores a touchdown?
A: A dino-score.
How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
Q: What do you call 2 nuns and a Prostitute on a football field?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Chuck Norris once threw out the first pitch at a NASCAR race.
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