Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
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Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A: A bad golfer goes *Whack!* "Darn!", but a bad skydiver goes "Darn!" *WHACK!*
Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with disappointments.
Superman is faster then a speeding bullet.
Chuck Norris just runs Superman down and keeps going.
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If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of trousers?
In case they get a hole in one!
It's game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court.
He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty.
He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there.
He responds, "No, the seat's empty."
"The first man exclaims, "What?!?
Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?"
The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together."
The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that.
Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?" The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral."
Chuck Norris won the Tour De France on a stationary bike.
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In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft.
In today’s civilized society, it is called golf.