Joke #4406

The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
Vote: has 87.66 % from 303 votes. Send joke:

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Husband to wife: ‘Put your coat on, I’m going to the pub.’ Wife: ‘Oh that’s nice, are you taking me for a drink?’ Husband: ‘No, I’m turning the heating off.’
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Man: "What you have prepared to eat today?" Wife: "Nothing." Man: "But you did nothing yesterday." Wife : "I made it for two days."
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What are the three rings of marriage? A: The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.
Vote: has 55.19 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

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I know of no one who is happily married, except my husband.
Vote: has 87.70 % from 719 votes. Send joke:

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What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband? Miss her. Pity her.
Vote: has 31.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

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Husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Wife: Because I married the wrong man!
Vote: has 52.05 % from 59 votes. Send joke:

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There once was two people Lisa and Brian They got married and had a child. The only problem was that the child was only a head, he had no arms, legs or torso. So all his life he was picked on and teased and he always wished he had a body. So when he turned 21 his dad took him to a bar and let him have his first beer ever. When he drank a whole bottle an arm popped out. When he drank more bottles more body parts popped out. After drinking many beers he finally had a whole body. As they left the bar, he was very drunk and was hit by a bus and he died. The moral of the story "Quit while you're a head."
Vote: has 25.81 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

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Jack and his wife lived in Arizona where the summers are very hot. He woke up one day when they were having a heat wave. As he stepped out of the shower he complained to his wife saying, “it’s just too hot to wear any clothes on a day like this. What would the neighbors think if I mowed the lawn with no clothes.” “That I married you only for your money.”
Vote: has 87.19 % from 192 votes. Send joke:

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The wife told me to talk to her like she was special the other day. So I said, "gooooo ... annddd ... makkee ... meeee ... a ... cuuuppp ... offffff ... coofffeeeeeee ..."
Vote: has 42.03 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

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Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk." The groom broom says, "How can that be possible? We haven't even swept together!"
Vote: has 86.65 % from 130 votes. Send joke:

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