Joke #3981

Husband to wife: ‘I hear you’ve been telling everyone that I’m an idiot.’ Wife: ‘Sorry, I didn’t know it was a secret.’
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Q. Why don't little girls fart? A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.
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Wife: "Give me some money. I want to buy a bra." Husband: "Why? You have nothing to put in it!" Wife: "You wear shorts!"
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What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy? Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again!
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Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands. This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man. This confirms too, that women are always confused and don't know what they want.
Vote: has 74.94 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

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I got married to Miss Right. I just didn’t realise her first name was ‘Always’.
Vote: has 50.89 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

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Wife:"I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband:"You have perfect eyesight."
Vote: has 59.49 % from 96 votes. Send joke:

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An angry man is coming home and shouts to his wife, "I know everything!" His wife reacts right away, "Is that so? Then tell me please. Who is the fifth highest peak in the world?"
Vote: has 36.09 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

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Husband to wife: ‘Put your coat on, I’m going to the pub.’ Wife: ‘Oh that’s nice, are you taking me for a drink?’ Husband: ‘No, I’m turning the heating off.’
Vote: has 35.28 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

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"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
Vote: has 84.41 % from 418 votes. Send joke:

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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said ''Did you get my drift?''.
Vote: has 30.11 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

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