Joke #3981

Husband to wife: ‘I hear you’ve been telling everyone that I’m an idiot.’ Wife: ‘Sorry, I didn’t know it was a secret.’

After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

Why are men with pierced ears are better prepared for marriage? They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

One day a Viking named Leif returned after a long sea voyage and found that during his absence his name had been removed from the town register. He sent his wife to the town hall make a complaint to the mayor. "I’m sorry," said the mayor, "I must have taken Leif off my census."

Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband : Nothing. Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."

Wife to husband: ‘I need a new dress.’ Husband: ‘What’s wrong with the dress you’ve got?’ Wife: ‘It’s too long and the veil keeps getting in my eyes.’

Girl to fiancé: ‘When we’re married I want to share all your troubles and worries.’ Fiancé: ‘But I don’t have any troubles and worries.’ Girl: ‘I know, but we’re not married yet.’

A man comes home from work early to find his blonde wife in bed with three men. Completely shocked, he shouts, "Hello, Hello, Hello!" The blonde whines, "What? No hello for me?"

How did Barack propose to Michelle? He got on one knee, pulled out a ring, and said "I don't wanna be obamaself."

When they get you, they have their own little signature, like Gucci or something like that. When you walk down the street, girls will walk by, and they'll say, "Oh, that's Gladys' work, ain't it?"

I joined Bachelors Anonymous. Every time I feel like getting married they send round a woman in curlers to nag me for a while.