I was taken short in the back of a taxi.
Because of all the mess I gave the driver a ten-pound note.
Mind you it had only been a fiver before I wiped myself with it.
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Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage.
They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
There will always be death and taxes.
However, death doesn’t get worse every year.
The lawyer’s motto:
a man is not guilty until he demonstrates he is out of money...
Yo mama is so stupid that when he got a new bicycle he gave it to the charity funds.
A divorce court judge said to the husband,"Mr Geraghty,I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week."
"That's very fair,your honour," he replied.
"And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
Being poor has its advantages.
For example your keys are never in your other trousers.
After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication.
When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief.
Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail.
Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents.
Q: How many corporate attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Who knows, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
Vote:
Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A. He wanted cold hard cash!