Money isn’t everything, but at least it encourages relatives to stay in touch.
Your so poor, I stepped in your house and stepped on a cigarette, and your mom said, "Who turned of the lights".
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "Sure, buddy." Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now, let's try it again!" Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "No, SIR!"
Visitor: You're very quiet, Jennifer. Jennifer: Well, my mum gave me a dollar not to say anything about your red nose.
Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.
Yo' Mama is so poor, her face is on the food stamp.
A third age Scotsman was waiting for his son to return from his first date. Finally, he arrived after midnight. "Were you worried, father?" "Yes, I was really worried... I want to know how much did that date cost you..." "It cost me only four euros!" "Hmm, it's not that much." "I know father... But the girl didn't have any more money..."
Why is money called dough? Because we all knead it!
‘He’s spending a year dead for tax purposes.’ Douglas Adams
‘How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars…’ Steve Martin
Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money. I shall be everlastingly in your debt. Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!