Joke #3857

Money isn’t everything, but at least it encourages relatives to stay in touch.
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: money

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Yo momma so fat she could go to the desert and sells shade.
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Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000. Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?"
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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
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My grandfather came from a very poor family. The only time he tasted meat was when he bit his tongue.
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Wife: "Give me some money. I want to buy a bra." Husband: "Why? You have nothing to put in it!" Wife: "You wear shorts!"
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What’s the difference between a pigeon and a tramp? The pigeon can put a deposit on a Porsche.
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Three friends -- two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter. First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny." Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!" The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick."
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Q: How is a boss better than a wife? A: A boss at least pays you for making your life miserable.
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Two hunters are stalking through the forest when one says to the other that he has to take a dump. "Well, go in the bushes." "What should I use to wipe my ass?" "Use a dollar bill." A few minutes later the hunter steps out of the bushes with s**t all over his hands. "What happened?" asks his friend. "I didn't have a dollar bill, so I used four quarters."
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Yo momma is so poor for Christmas she got a box, put two sticks on it, spun it and said son here's your xbox 360.
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has 57.73 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, game, money, Yo mama