Joke #3991

‘If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.’ Mark Twain
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown. She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep. She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?" The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?" "Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car. The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"
Vote: has 69.06 % from 65 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, blonde, dog, math, money
Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy? No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills.
Vote: has 86.76 % from 325 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, women
Walking into a lawyers office, a man asked what his rates were. "Fifty dollars for three questions," the lawyer stated. "Isn't that awfully expensive?" the man asked?" "Yes," replied the lawyer. "What's your third question?"
Vote: has 73.44 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, money
A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars. "Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
Vote: has 64.23 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, democrat, funeral, money
Why is money called dough? Because we all knead it!
Vote: has 27.24 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money
The lawyer’s motto: a man is not guilty until he demonstrates he is out of money...
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, money
Yo mama so poor a man broke in her house a gave her money.
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, Yo mama
A Navy man walks into a bar, gives the bartender a conspiratorial wink and says, "Quick, pour me a drink, before the trouble starts." The bartender pours a drink and watches as the Sailor downs it in one gulp. The Sailor slams the glass down on the bar and says, "Quick, give me another one before the trouble starts." The bartender pours another glass and the Sailor drinks it as quickly as he had the first. The Sailor pauses, lets out a belch and demands a third drink 'before the trouble starts.' After several rounds of this, the bartender says, "Look Sailor, you've been talking about trouble for ten minutes. Just when is this 'trouble' going to start?" The sailor looks at the bartender and grins. "The trouble starts just as soon as you figure out that I don't have any money."
Vote: has 81.21 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, money, navy, time
Uncle Harry is very rich. His dog was lonely so he bought it a boy to play with. ‘He’s spending a year dead for tax purposes.’ Douglas Adams
Vote: has 18.69 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money
Q: Why is divorce so costly? A: Because its justified, despite all the trouble.
Vote: has 80.35 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, money