What do you get when you cross an apple with a nun?
A computer that won’t go down.
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Where's the best place to hide a body?
Page two of Google.
Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
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Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office. I will find you. You have my Word.
Q: What's object-oriented way to become wealthy?
A: Inheritance.
What do computers eat when they get hungry?
"Chips."
This website may not be idiot proof, but at least it’s dimwit resistant.
Where do you go if you become ‘at one’ with your computer?
Nerdvana.
The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.
Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones.
This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.
Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.
Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer.
‘If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?’
Among the forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless.
When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard. With his team’s software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
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