What do you do for exercise? I lift weights. What do you do for cardio? I lift weights faster.
I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me, "Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it." I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.
A few guys tried to follow Chuck Norris during a light workout while he was vacationing in Hawaii. It's now called the Ironman Triathlon.
When Chuck Norris finishes his workout, the gym takes a break.
Just been to the gym and there's a new machine. Only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick. Its good though, it does everything 'Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers and crisps'!
The Total Gym uses Chuck Norris to stay in shape.
Q: Why was the farmer arrested at the gym? A: He was destroying his calves.
One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence. Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast. "You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras." That was too far over the limit. She rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."
I do two hours of cardio every day. But I still need to find the closest parking spot to the gym.
When Chuck Norris first saw Dragon Ball Z he thought it was a series of easy workout videos.
I wish this gym had a stationary bike built for two.