He was a very keen lawyer, he even named his daughter ‘Sue’.
Q: What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? A: The accountant knows he's boring.
How come the lawyer got underground only by his neck? It was not enough sand...
Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?’ Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he opened the door a truck came roaring past and completely tore off the driver’s door of the Lexus. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911. When a policeman arrived, the lawyer was still screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again. After the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting, the cop shook his head in disgust. "I can’t believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don’t notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Didn’t you notice that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." The lawyer looked down to his left side and let out a terrible scream: "Oh my God!… MY ROLEX!"
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Lawyer’s creed – a man is innocent until proven broke.
"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man." "That's correct," says the defendant. "Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing her." "That's correct," says the defendant. "Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?" asked the prosecutor. "It seemed easier," replied the defendant, "than shooting a different man every day!"
"I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money." "Why do you say that?" "Listen to this from his bill: 'For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $25'."
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? "How many can you afford?"