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Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "How many can you afford?"
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Q: Why did the programmer quit his job?
A: Because he didn't get arrays.
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Q: Why did Hitler kill himself?
A: He saw his gas bill.
A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China.
After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa.
"Oh no I dont, Ive been to China many times and never had to have one of those."
I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa.
When I told him this he said, "Look, Ive been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."
I like black people . . .
. . I used to have some black friends 'till my dad sold them!
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Yo mama is so poor that your TV got 2 channels: ON and OFF.
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A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight!
Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet.
Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said
"Why did you put up such a fight?"
To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"
What leads most people into debt?
Trying to catch up with people who are already there.
The difference between the short and long income tax forms is simple.
If you use the short form, the government gets your money.
If you use the long form, the tax advisor gets your money.