‘If you owe the bank $100, that’s your problem.
If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.’
John Paul Getty A woman rings her insurance company.
‘Our house burnt down and I want £100,000,’ she says.
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We were so poor the only way I could afford to get my suit pressed was to ride the subway during rush hour.
What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild?
Money.
A lady says to the psychiatrist, "I think I might be a nymphomaniac."
He says, "I'll see what I can do to help you. My fee is eighty dollars an hour."
She says, "How much for all night?"
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a millionaire?
A bunny with money.
Yo' Mama is so poor, her tv only has two channels: on and not working.
Change is hard. Have you ever tried to bend a coin?
Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory."
Friend: "What did he do?"
Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."
A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care."
"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month."
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant.
Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said.
"But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"Excuse me?" the accountant said.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"
"I'll start you at eighty thousand."
"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."