Joke #4053

Two policemen are walking the beat when one says, ‘When I get home, I’m going straight upstairs and tearing off the wife’s underwear.’ ‘Feelling randy?’ asks the other. ‘No,’ says the first. ‘The elastic is killing me.’
Vote: has 64.35 % from 88 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby." The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby doctor? What's wrong?" The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite." The woman is confused. "A hermaphrodite..... what's that?" The doctor replies, "Well, it means your baby has a male and a female." The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh MY GOD! you mean it has a penis..... AND a brain.
Vote: has 55.78 % from 714 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, sex, women
Are your legs made of Nutella? Because I'd love to spread them!
Vote: has 69.31 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chocolate, dirty, flirt, food, sex
Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? A: One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
Vote: has 66.60 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, sex, time, vulgar
On wedding night, during sex: Husband: I had a sex with so many callgirls so many time before. Wife: Thats what I have been thinking since we met that I have seen you somewhere before...
Vote: has 71.35 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, sex
A man and his wife went to the pharmacy to pick up his prescription for Viagra. Seeing the $10 per pill price his wife was astonished - but then realized "it's only going to cost us $30 per year."
Vote: has 74.94 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, medical, money, sex, viagra
Kissing is a habit Fucking is a game Guys get all the pleasure Girls get all the pain The guy says I love you You believe its true But when your tummy starts to swell, He says 'to hell with you' 10 minutes of pleasure 9 months in pain 3 days in hospital A baby without a name The baby is a bastard The mother is a whore This never wouldn't have happened If the rubber wouldn't have torn
Vote: has 68.66 % from 144 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, love, poems, sex, vulgar
Jane. ‘It didn’t work for us.’ ‘Of course it wouldn’t,’ replies Mary. ‘You have to go alone.’
Vote: has 15.31 % from 132 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Yo moma so fat that when I tried to have sex with her I burned my ass off the lightbulb.
Vote: has 50.29 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, insulting, light bulb, sex, Yo mama
A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love. About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey,you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again. Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife shoulder, and asks, "Honey, please...just one more time before die." She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep. The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..." At this point the wife sits up and says,"Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don't!"
Vote: has 79.39 % from 629 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
There are a hundred holes in the body of a woman; one of them would be filled with a penis and 99 others could be filled with money.
Vote: has 71.35 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, mean, money, sex, women