Two policemen are walking the beat when one says, ‘When I get home, I’m going straight upstairs and tearing off the wife’s underwear.’
‘Feelling randy?’ asks the other.
‘No,’ says the first. ‘The elastic is killing me.’
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A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, “Major, when was the last time you had sex?”
“1956,” was his reply.
“No wonder you look so uptight!” she exclaimed. “Major, you need to get out more!”
“I’m not sure I understand you,” he answered, glancing at his watch, ”It’s only 2014 now.”
Q: Why is a girls pussy like an ocean?
A: It's really wet and has a Sperm Whale in it.
The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex.
But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.
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Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
Q: What' is Hillary Clinton favorite movies?
A: Kill BILL 1 and 2.
Q: Why do accountants make good lovers?
A: They're great with figures.
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How do you know when your cat’s finished cleaning himself?
He’s smoking a cigarette.
The chicken and the egg are laying in bed.
The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face while the egg is frowning and looking slightly annoyed.
The egg mutters "Well I guess that answers that riddle".
John Leslie has been accused of raping a disabled black girl on Blue Peter.
He blamed it on dyslexia & said he thought the script said, use sticky black spastic.
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