How do you know when your cat’s finished cleaning himself?
He’s smoking a cigarette.
Similar jokes
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Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
What are the small bumps around women’s nipples?
It’s Braille for ‘suck here’.
I haven’t been the same since my testicles dropped.
Mind you, I was hanging from a tree by them at the time.
Do you like maths?
If so add a bed subtract your clothes divide your legs and we can multiply!
An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking.
"Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice.
"Yes, ma'am."
"And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice.
"Yes, ma'am."
"How do you turn them off?"
Q: Why are Christmas trees better than Men?
A: Even the small ones give satisfaction.
Wife comes back from the doctor and says to her husband:
Honey, I have a sad news - a gynecologist told me not have sex for a three weeks...
Husband:
And what the dentist said?
There are three moms.
A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde.
They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed.
I cannot believe she smokes weed"
They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse.
I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her.
Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse.
I just cannot believe she has a penis"
Unexpected sex - is the best thing to wake up, unless you're in prison...