‘Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.’ Sue Murphy
What country do cows love to visit? Moo Zealand.
Chuck Norris was once so famished, he ate Turkey. The country there now is only an impostor.
A old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
One day a man heard knocking at his door. He opened the door only to see a small snail sitting there smiling. The guy picked the snail up and threw it as far as he possibly could. Three years later he heard knocking at the door again. He opened the door to see the snail. The snail said, "What the hell was that all about?"
When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Dam.
I hear you take milk baths. That's right. Why? I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower.
Are you a shark? Cause I've got some swimmers for you to swallow.
What is the golden rule for cows? Do unto udders as you would have udders do to you.
A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in looking to buy a pet. A shopkeeper came over and started to try and sell him a dog when the man noticed the parrot. He asked what the strings were for and the shopkeeper replied, "Well, if you pull the right string the parrot says, 'Polly wanna cracker'. If you pull the left string it says, 'my name's Sam'". The man being of the inquisitive nature tried both and thought it was really neat, but was still curious. So he asked what would happen if he pulled both strings, the parrot piped up, "I'd fall off the perch you idiot!"