‘Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in?
I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.’
Sue Murphy
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What do cows read at the breakfast table?
The moospaper.
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
What's a cow's favorite moosical note?
Beef-flat!
How do you start a teddy bear race?
Ready, teddy, go.
How much do I owe Yo' Mama?
My dog came home happy last night.
Waiter: "I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg."
Customer: "Don’t tell me your problems. Give the menu card."
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a balloon?
A creature that stinks to high heaven.
Q. Why don't lions eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.
Bob checked into his hotel room and immediately noticed a dead cockroach on the floor.
He called the front desk, asked for the manager and raised a fuss.
"Sir, please calm down," the manager replied.
"It's dead. It can't bother you now."
"The dead one doesn't bother me." Bob said.
"It's his pallbearers."