Man, to friend, ‘A thief has stolen my wife’s credit card.
Last month he ran up a bill of over a thousand pounds.’
‘That’s terrible,’ says the friend.
‘You should report this thief to the police.’
‘I would,’ says the man.
‘But at the moment he’s spending less than my wife does.’
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Q: Where does a snowman keep his money?
A: In a snow bank.
A old woman took a package to the post office to mail and was told it would cost $3.95 for fast delivery or $2.30 for slower service.
“There is no hurry,” she told the clerk, “just so the package is delivered in my lifetime.”
He glanced at her and said, “That will be $3.95, please.”
Vote:
Happy Father's Day!
I got you a present but if you want to get technical then technically you bought it.
By the way, can I borrow $20?
Vote:
Q: You know what lego set Trump played with as a kid?
A: The wall maker set.
"Hey, cabby! How much to take me to the station?"
"Five bucks, sir."
"And how much for my suitcase?"
"No charge for the suitcase, sir."
"Okay. Take the case and I’ll walk."
‘The United States has developed a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing.
It’s called the stock market.’
Jay Leno
Yo' Mama is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species will become extinct.
The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will."
"That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change."
Girls are like an internet virus:
they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer money, edit your mind, download their problems and delete your smile...