‘A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.’
Bob Hope
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A young attorney who had taken over his father’s practice rushed home elated one night.
“Dad, listen,” he shouted, “I’ve finally settled that old McKinney suit.”
“Settled it!” cried his astonished father. “Why, you idiot! We have been living off of that money for five years!”
I saw a tramp who was so broke he was standing on the corner shouting, ‘Will work for cardboard and a magic marker!’
Chuck Norris doesn't have an ATM PIN – the machine just spits out cash – at every bank!
Vote:
Think nobody knows you’re alive?
Try missing a payment.
Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire?
Sure.
Here you are.
Thanks - but half the pages are missing.
What's the matter?
Isn't half a million enough for you?
Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory."
Friend: "What did he do?"
Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."
Your mom is so stupid she thought Nickelback was a refund.
In Heaven:
The cooks are French,
The policemen are English,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are Greek,
The bankers are Swiss.
In Hell:
The cooks are English,
The policemen are German,
The mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss,
The bankers are Greek.
Being poor has its advantages.
For example your keys are never in your other trousers.