‘A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.’
Bob Hope
Similar jokes
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What’s six inches long, two inches wide and drives women wild?
A fifty-dollar bill.
Why is money called dough?
Because we all knead it.
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?"
She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes.
Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?"
He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
Patient to his doctor: "I have forgotten so many things lately, and it's getting worse. What can I do?"
Doctor: "Yes, this is a known illness, unfortunately it has no cure. I'd also like to remind you about the 800 USD that you owe me?"
Valentines Slogans
10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.
9. Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.
8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store, In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.
7. This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.
6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class, Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.
5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!
4. Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.
3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".
2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!
1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
Q: Where does a snowman keep his money?
A: In a snow bank.
How do you hide your money from a mexican?
It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
A mugger stops a guy on the street at gunpoint.
"Give me all your money", he says.
The muggee isindignant.
"You can't do this," he yells. "I'm anIRS agent."
"In that case," says the mugger, "give me all MY money."
Vote:
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!"
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?"
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but 'realistically', we’re living with two h***s and a future congressman."