Why did the policman cry? because he couldn"t take his Panda to bed!
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A man was driving along the road when all of a sudden he has to swerve to avoid a box falling off the lorry in front.
Seconds later a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving.
As the policeman starting writing the ticket he noticed the box was full of nails and tacks.
"I had to serve or I'd have run over those and blown my tyres!" protested the driver.
"Ok", replied the officer, ripping up the ticket, "but I'm still bringing you in."
"What for?" retorted the man.
"Tacks evasion", answered the policeman.
A girl was a prostitute, but she did not want her grandma to know.
One day the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel and she was among them.
The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway.
Suddenly the girl's grandma came by and saw her.
"Why are you standing in line, dear?" she asked.
Not willing to let her grandma know the truth, the girl told her that the policemen were passing out free oranges.
"Why, that is awfully nice of them! I think I'll get some for myself," said the grandma.
A policeman went down the line, asking for information from all of the prostitutes.
When he got to Grandma, he exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take out my dentures and suck them dry!"
The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The guy replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
The man was looking for a way, over and over, for his wife so she can drive more carefully and he found it;
"Darling, if an accident happens, the police will record your real age!"
An usher at a movie theatre notices a customer laying across three seats near the back of the theatre.
He tells the customer that he can only take up one seat.
The customer justs moans and rolls his eyes.
The usher goes to get his supervisor who also tells the customer he must only take one seat or he will call the police.
Once again the customer justs moans and rolls his eyes.
The supervisor calls the police, who come and tell the customer that he has been told by the usher and the manager to sit up and that he can only take up one seat.
"What's wrong with you?" they ask.
The customer justs moans and rolls his eyes.
The police officer asks the man "Where did you come from?"
The man lifts a hand in the air, and says "the balcony"...
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A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal.
You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."
A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner.
A call came over the car's radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.
The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner."
No one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off the corner!"
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction.
Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"
"Pretty good," replied the veteran, "especially since this is a bus stop."
According to the police, if you hold your purse by the strap and under your arm, nothing will ever happen to you....
Unless your name happens to be Bruce.
A nice lady in a short skirt walks up to a police man on the street and says, "I have a problem."
The police man asked her what it is, she points to a man across the street and says, "See that man?"
The police man replies, "Yes, is he watching you?"
She replies, " NO!, that is the problem!"