Joke #4223

What’s the best way to get in touch with your long-lost relatives? Win the Lottery.
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: money

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A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: "To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million." The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million." The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Cowboy, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will. Well you are wrong. Hi Cowboy!"
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has 70.43 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, life, love, money, wife
A divorce court judge said to the husband,"Mr Geraghty,I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week." "That's very fair,your honour," he replied. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
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has 73.02 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: divorce, husband, lawyer, money
Don’t spend money having your shirts laundered. Donate them to a charity shop, then when they’ve cleaned them, buy them back.
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has 50.45 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: money
English Class Teacher: "One day we will be corruption free. Which tense is it?" Student: "Future impossible tense."
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has 79.06 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: communication, money, school, student, teacher
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 Hand Job: $10.00 He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks. "Yes," she purrs. "I am." "Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"
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has 69.28 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: bar, bartender, dirty, food, money
We were so poor, we had to go to KFC to lick other people’s fingers.
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has 76.99 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: food, money
Harry staggers exhausted into his house. ‘What’s wrong with you?’ asks his wife. ‘I thought I’d save my 75p bus fare by running behind the bus,’ gasps Harry. ‘You idiot,’ says his wife. ‘If you’d run home behind a taxi you could’ve saved a tenner.’
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has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: money
A Navy man walks into a bar, gives the bartender a conspiratorial wink and says, "Quick, pour me a drink, before the trouble starts." The bartender pours a drink and watches as the Sailor downs it in one gulp. The Sailor slams the glass down on the bar and says, "Quick, give me another one before the trouble starts." The bartender pours another glass and the Sailor drinks it as quickly as he had the first. The Sailor pauses, lets out a belch and demands a third drink 'before the trouble starts.' After several rounds of this, the bartender says, "Look Sailor, you've been talking about trouble for ten minutes. Just when is this 'trouble' going to start?" The sailor looks at the bartender and grins. "The trouble starts just as soon as you figure out that I don't have any money."
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has 83.53 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: bar, money, navy, time
All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money doesn’t buy happiness...All most people want is a chance to prove money can’t make them happy.
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has 46.10 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: money
The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: kids, money, wine