Joke #4223

What’s the best way to get in touch with your long-lost relatives? Win the Lottery.
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What kind of money do polar bears use? Ice lolly.
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Patient: "Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Please give me your bill." Doctor: "Be calm. You are not strong enough for this yet."
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Getting money out of my father was like taking candy from a baby. He used to scream and cry like hell.
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If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.
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Q: Why is a blood bank more profitable than a sperm bank? A: The sperm is handmade.
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The difference between the short and long income tax forms is simple. If you use the short form, the government gets your money. If you use the long form, the tax advisor gets your money.
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Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?" The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me." The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
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A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."
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Yo' Mama is so poor, when she farts, her holey underwear whistles.
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Well goodnight everyone. I have to get up early tomorrow to do nothing and still make more money than all of you!
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