Men, don’t buy expensive ‘ribbed’ condoms; buy an ordinary one and slip in a handful of frozen peas.
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Q: What' is Hillary Clinton favorite movies?
A: Kill BILL 1 and 2.
In funeral of my friend's wife, I went to condole him so I said: "Don't think she was your wife, she was for all".
Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.
Vote:
Dad, what happens if a condom tear?
Look at yourself...
Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl.
I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose.
No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.
A hippie walks on a bus and sees a nun.
Being the straight forward kind of guy he is, he says "Hey baby, want to have sex?"
The nun says "God no!" so she gets off the bus angry.
When the hippie is about to get off the bus, the bus driver asks him "Hey man.
you see that graveyard across the street?" The hippie go's "yeah I see it, what about it?"
"well every Tuesday night at 8:30. the nun go's to the top of the hill to pray.
If you dress up as a ghost, and tell her to have sex with you, she'll have too"
The hippie replied "sweet!" So Tuesday night comes and the hippie has a ghost costume, 8:30 comes and here comes the nun.
The hippie pops out and says
"I am the ghost of a man buried here, and I command you to have sex with me!"
The nun go's "Well... ok, but I have a virgins aspect so it has to be oral"
So the nun and the hippie have oral sex and the hippie runs away and says "Ha, ha I was actually the hippie" and the nun said "Ha, ha I'm actually the bus driver!"
Q: Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style?
A: That way they can both watch wrestling.
What’s a man’s ultimate embarrassment?
Walking into a wall with an erection and hurting his nose.
What’s a man’s definition of safe sex?
Meeting his mistress at least 30 miles from his house.