One day God came down and said to three guys that the less you cheat on your wives the better the cars you'll get in heaven.
So the first guy went to heaven after cheating on his wife 67 times and he got a Mercedes.
The second guy went to heaven and had cheated on his wife 2 times and he got a Ferrari, then the third guy went to heaven and said that he had never cheated on his wife and he got a Bentley.
Then one day the third guy was all sad and depressed and the first and second guys asked him what was wrong and the third guy said, "I saw my wife the other day" and the first guy said "yeah, so" and the third guy said " she was riding a skateboard."
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A Male patient just recovered successfully from a sex threatening health attack.
He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on hospital bed.
An young nurse came to cleanse his body with sponge.
The patient mumbled, “Are my testicles black?”
Nurse replied, “I don’t know Sir, I am just setting you clean”
The patient repeated again, “Are my testicles black?”
Nurse was quite embarrassed to answer the question and said “Sir everything should be OK”
The patient just kept on asking again and again, “Are my testicles black?”
Nurse could not bear a patient concerned so much.
So she raised his gown, moved her hand to find and grab his penis and testicle, moved it all around, checked very closely and suddenly man ejaculated on nurse’s hand.
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, embarrassed at the fiasco says loudly enough, “Ma’am, Thanks but I still need to know 'Are my tests results back?’”
Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS?
A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.
Two policemen are walking the beat when one says, ‘When I get home, I’m going straight upstairs and tearing off the wife’s underwear.’
‘Feelling randy?’ asks the other.
‘No,’ says the first. ‘The elastic is killing me.’
Q: What is a difference between Ooooh and Aaaah?
A: Only 3 inches.
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Masturbation is like procrastination, it’s all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!
Hillary Clinton isn't taking the loss very well.
So I said to her, Cheer up!
At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.
Are you a shark?
Cause I've got some swimmers for you to swallow.
Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
A girlfriend said to me during sex that I should be a little more graceful, so I went to ballet classes!
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