Joke #4237

Beer: helping ugly people have sex since 3000 BC!
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol

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At 3 AM a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon" answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" he asks. "Same time as before... Noon." replies the clerk. Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?" The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you." "No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
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has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
How do you caculate the population of Russia? You roll a bottle of vodka down the street.
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has 41.91 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, life
"Now, class, closely observe the worms," said the teacher while putting a worm into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. He then put the second worm into the whiskey. It curled up and writhed about painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" he asked. Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded confidently, "Drink whisky and you won't get worms."
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has 26.16 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, death
A man orders a pint of beer, notices it tastes sour and complains to the barman. ‘What are you moaning about?’ says the barman. ‘You’ve only got a pint of that rubbish, I’ve got three barrels full.’
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
This guy walks into a bar and sits down on a stool and places a bottle of prescribe medication on the bar, the man sitting next to him says, "What is that?" The guy says, "These are smart pills," you take one and it makes you smarter. The half drunk man says, "Your joking aren't you? and the guy says, "No I am not." So the drunk says to the bar tender, "Give a large glass of beer." The drunk opens the bottle and takes a pill and washes it down. A few minutes later the drunk says, "I don't feel smarter." and the guy says, "Well some people require more than one pill." So the drunk takes another pill and washes it down and few minutes later he says, "I still don't feel any smarter. So the drunk says, "Hey,let me see those pills," the drunk takes a pill and smells it and says," it smells like shit and he tastes it and says, "It tastes like shit." The guy says, "See! your getting smartes allready."
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beer
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
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has 46.10 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
My wife hates the sight of me when I’m drunk, and I hate the sight of her when I’m sober.
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
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has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
This guy's at a bar, and it's really late. He's been drinking hard all night, and is so tanked he falls backwards right off the bar stool onto the floor. He slowly climbs back up, takes another swig and slides right back onto the floor. Finally, this other guy is sympathetic and offers to drive the guy home. On the way out to the car, the drunk falls over a few times, and crawls the rest of the way to the car. When they get to his house, he can't even walk, and falls five times on the way to his own front door. The good samaritan helps him the rest of the way, and rings the doorbell. The drunk's wife opens the door. He says, "Sorry to wake you m'am. Your husband's had a few too many, so I drove him home for you." The wife gratefully responds, "Thank you, sir, that's very kind of you." "Where's his wheelchair?"
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has 80.79 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: alcohol