Joke #4260

My wife and I lead a quiet life. The last time we went out together was when the gas boiler exploded.
Vote: has 27.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Priest said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
Vote: has 42.03 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, priest, wedding, women
Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years. One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own. A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen. His wife asks, "What's wrong, Bill?" "Do you remember how I told you about my tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" His wife gasps, "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh, um, she got fired, too."
Vote: has 89.23 % from 873 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, god, marriage, wife, work
A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the backseat. The women just won’t leave him alone. His mother-in-law says, "You’re driving too fast!" His wife says, "Stay more to the left." After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, "Who’s driving this car – you or your mother?"
Vote: has 88.65 % from 269 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, marriage, mother in law, wife
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son.
Vote: has 64.81 % from 73 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, marriage
A drunk is sitting on a park bench staring disconsolately at a bottle of beer. A man passes and asks him what the matter is. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ says the drunk. ‘My heart says yes, my mind says no, and I haven’t heard from my liver in two days.’
Vote: has 39.39 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa." Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot about it. The next day, the Grandfather died. A month later the father heard his sony saying prayers again: "God bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. Goodbye Grammy." The next day the grandmother died. Well, the father was getting more than a little woried about the whole situation. One week later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers. "God Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy." This nearly gave the father a heart attack. He didn’t say anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would miss the traffic. He stayed all through lunch and dinner. Finally after midnight he went home. He was still alive! When he got home he appologised to his wife. "I am sorry Honey. I had a very bad day at work today." "You think you’ve had a bad day? YOU THINK YOU’VE HAD A BAD DAY!?" the wife yelled, "The mailman dropped dead on my doorstep this morning!"
Vote: has 54.21 % from 120 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, god, marriage, work
Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband : Nothing. Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."
Vote: has 63.38 % from 447 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, time, wife
Gravely ill, the Skipper was examined by a doctor while his wife stood by. After the examination the physician motioned for her to meet him in the hallway. "Your husband is very sick," the doctor said. "Still, you can do three things to ensure his survival: First, fix him three healthy meals a day. Next, give him a stress-free environment and don’t complain about anything. Finally, have sex and oral sex with him every day." The doctor left and the woman returned to her husband’s room. "What did the doctor say?" he asked. "I’m sorry, m’dear," she said, "but he said you’re not going to make it."
Vote: has 88.07 % from 246 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, husband, marriage, mean, wife
The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
Vote: has 88.32 % from 281 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
Man to friend: ‘My wife’s a peach.’ Friend: ‘Because she’s so soft and juicy?’ Man: ‘No, because she has a heart of stone.’
Vote: has 39.50 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage