My grandfather came from a very poor family.
The only time he tasted meat was when he bit his tongue.
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Yo' Mama is so poor, when she picks a booger, she yells, "Clap your hands and stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got meat!"
‘I used to live in a sub-basement.
The janitor that had the apartment during the Depression had some stocks.
When the market crashed, he was wiped out.
He tried to kill himself by jumping out of the window and up on to street level.’ Woody Allen
Patient: "Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Please give me your bill."
Doctor: "Be calm. You are not strong enough for this yet."
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting.
One looked at the other and said, “I’ve got to take a crap.”
The other said, “Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap.”
The first one said, “But I don’t have any paper to wipe my ass.”
The other blonde replied, “You have a dollar, don’t you?”
The first one said, “Yeah, I’ve got a dollar. That’s a great idea– I’ll use that!”
He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked, “What in the hell happened to you?”
The first one replied, “Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?”
Q: Why did two women walk into a saloon pointing bananas at people and shouting: "GIVE US YER LOOT!"
A: They were both blonds.
In a shop for kids. Peter selects a toy car, comes to the cash desk and gives the cashier money-cards from Monopoly game.
The cashier:
- Are you stupid? This isn't real money!
Peter:
- You're stupid. The car is not real either.
You will never see a car worth over $10,000 with an Obama sticker on the back.
Vote:
Q: Why don't you ask Yoda for money?
A: He is always a little to short.
Vote:
Kamasutra says:
If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one.
And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!