‘How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars…’ Steve Martin
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Yo momma is so poor the ducks throw bread at her.
How do two programmers make money?
One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
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Yo mama is so poor, I saw her kicking a can down the street and I asked her, "What are you doing?" and she said, "Moving".
Why is money called dough?
Because we all knead it!
If the customer is always right, then why isn't everything free?
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What king of money do fishermen make?
Net profits!
Mortal: What is a million years like to you? God: Like one second.
Mortal: What is a million pounds like to you?
God: Like one penny.
Mortal: Can I have a penny?
God: Just a second…
Bill and John, in their 80's decided to visit the Madam for one last sexual encounter.
The Madam noticed Bill and John approaching, she quickly prepared 2 blow-up dolls, placing one in each room on the bed.
Bill and John told the Madam that "We are here for the last time".
The Madam sent Bill upstairs to the room on the left and John to the room on the right.
After an hour Bill and John left the rooms, paid the Madam and left.
Bill and John were very quiet until Bill said: "How was yours"?
John said, "I think she was dead".
John said, "How was yours"?
Bill said, "I think she was a witch".
John replied, "How did you know she was a witch"?
Bill said, "Well I got on top of her, bit her nipple, she farted and flew out the window."
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Like changing coins - I always desired to change my 60 old years wife to three 20 years girls!
A blonde meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blonde replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"