‘How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars…’ Steve Martin
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Q: You know what lego set Trump played with as a kid?
A: The wall maker set.
Q: What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around watching the Super Bowl on TV?
A: The Dallas Cowboys.
Vote:
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer!
Now, let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier.
Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
Yo mama so poor the i saw her rolling a can and said what are you doing she said moving!
A young attorney who had taken over his father’s practice rushed home elated one night.
“Dad, listen,” he shouted, “I’ve finally settled that old McKinney suit.”
“Settled it!” cried his astonished father. “Why, you idiot! We have been living off of that money for five years!”
Using a credit card is a convenient way to spend money you wish you had.
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot.
The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one.
The man asks, "How much is the yellow one?"
The assistant says, "$2000."
The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive.
The assistant explains, "This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast."
"What about the green one?" the man asks.
The assistant says, "He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes."
"What about the red one?" the man asks.
The assistant says, "That one's $10,000."
The man says, "What does HE do?"
The assistant says, "I don't know, but the other two call him boss."
How do you hide your money from a mexican?
What’s the best way to get in touch with your long-lost relatives?
Win the Lottery.
A man walks into a bar and orders a triple brandy with a double whisky chaser.
‘You know I shouldn’t really be drinking like this with what I’ve got,’ says the man to the barman.
‘Why? What have you got?’ asks the barman. ‘Fifty pence,’ replies the man.