Joke #4331

We were so poor our mother would send us out with a shopping list to chase the garbage truck.
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: money

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A man was relaxing with his evening paper, when there was a knock on the door. He opened it, and saw nobody, so he closed the door and went back to his paper. There was another knock, so he opened the door again. This time, he looked down and saw a small snail. "Mister, could you spare some change?" the snail said. The man picked up the snail, threw him into the bushes, and went back to reading. A year later, there was another knock at the door. It was the snail. "What'd you do that for?"
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has 70.72 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: animal, money
Discussion between two future lawyers: I don’t understand why they rejected me! I told them that I want to be a lawyer because I respect the law, that I’d give my life for the Constitution and that I want justice for my clients. What did you tell them? I told them that I want to be a lawyer because of my hands! You’re hands? What do you mean? Well, I looked in my hands and there were no money...
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money, wife
Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open? She'd read there was going to be some change in the weather.
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: money, teacher, weather
Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars." One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance." Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars." The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars." Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."
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has 63.07 % from 406 votes. More jokes about: airplane, marriage, money, travel, wife
An actuary priced an automobile ‘fire and theft’ policy with an extremely low premium. When asked why it was so cheap, he said, ‘Who’d steal a burnt car?’
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has 22.18 % from 6 votes. More jokes about: money
Yo mama so fat and poor the only thing she could afford to eat was grease.
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, money, Yo mama
What’s the best way to stop water coming into your house? Don’t pay the water bill.
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has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: money
Did you hear about the gypsy who won the Lottery? He got paid in travellers’ cheques.
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has 18.69 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: money
A little monster was learning to play the violin,' I'm good, aren't I?' he asked his big brother. 'You should be on the radio,' said his brother. 'You think I'm that good?' 'No, I think you're terrible, but if you were on the radio, I could switch you off !
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: money, music
Genuine advert. In New York Newspaper Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannia. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows f**king everything.
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has 53.73 % from 170 votes. More jokes about: marriage, money, wife