Q: What kind of money do elves use?
A: Jingle bills!
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The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office.
"What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."
"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."
"That’s not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"
What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes?
A real Christmas Card!
Q: What is Father Christmas's tax status?
A: Elf-employed.
Genuine advert. In New York Newspaper
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannia.
45 volumes.
Excellent condition.
$1,000 or best offer.
No longer needed.
Got married last weekend. Wife knows f**king everything.
Q: What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer?
A: "First, YULE LOGon"!
Q: Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
A: Because he had low "elf" esteem!
Q: What kind of music do elves like best?
A: "Wrap" music!
How do elves greet each other?
"Small world, isn't it?"
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?"
She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes.
Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?"
He replies, "No, it's too expensive."