A man goes into a library and asks where he can find books on suicide. ‘First row on the left,’ replied the librarian. The man replies, ‘But I’ve already looked in that section. It’s empty.’ ‘I’m not surprised,’ says the librarian. ‘They don’t often bring them back.'
Q: What do women and airplanes have in common? A: They both have a cockpit.
Yo mama so fat when you have sex with her you have to slap her stomach and ride the wave in.
Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.
Yo mama ass so big your dad's dick gets lost in it.
Q: What do tofu and a dildo have in common? A: They are both meat substitutes.
If you think your life is bad, how would you like to be an egg? You get laid once in life, you only get eatten once in life, It takes 4 min to get hard, but only 2 min. to get soft, you share your box with 11 other guys, but worst of all the only chick who ever sat on your face was your mother. Pass this to someone who needs a good lay, sorry I mean day.
A New Zealander walking along the road with a sheep under each arm. He meets another New Zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"
Q: Why are Christmas trees better than Men? A: Even the small ones give satisfaction.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.