A big dirty farmer walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
"This is the pig I have to f*ck when you're not up for s*x."
His wife says: "I think you'll find that's a sheep."
He says: " I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep!"
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Grass is green,
trees are greener.
When I think of you,
I play with my wiener.
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Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile.
The crocodile told him, "Please let me go.
I'll grant you any wish you desire."
The man said, "Okay.
I wish my balls could touch the ground."
So the crocodile bit his legs off.
I like my women how I like my laptop.
Sat on my lap, turned on & completely virus free.
Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind.
Son: Dad im over here.
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Mom was very upset when she found a bondage S&M magazine in her son's room.
She showed it to her husband when he got home.
He handed it back to her without a word.
She asked him, "Well, what do we do about this?"
"Well, whatever you do, don't spank him."
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On a pair of boxers:
Caution!
Contains nuts.
Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task?
A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...
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Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
A: Snowballs.
A kid walks by his parents having sex asks what's going on and his mother tells him, "We are making fishsticks".
The next day the kid says, "Mom were you making fishsticks again?"
And she says "Why, yes, how did you know, honey?"
And the kid replies, "Well, you have a little tarter sauce on your mouth."