Always go to other people’s funerals, or they won’t go to yours.
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"I'm going to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. But it is just a formality."
"Who told you that?"
"Gynecologist."
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What is the difference between a hippie girl and a muslim girl?
The hippie girl gets stoned before have sex.
how do you keep a black person out of your backyard?
Hang one in the front.
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This is Captain Sinclair speaking.
On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London.
We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.
If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.
If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.
If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.
That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses.
This is a recorded message.
Have a good flight!
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Latecomer: Am I too late for the bonfire?
Host: No jump up there on the sticks, there is room next to that Guy.
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It is genetically pre-recorded in men’s brain to look for a women, which is alike his mother – said Mr. John to the judge at the court, where he was being blamed for raping his sister.
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I'm going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do... by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake.
Sincerely, Michael Myers
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Q: What did the cannibal do once he dumped his lady friend?
A: He wiped his bottom.
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How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf?
He became a vegetarian.
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