Joke #4393

Always go to other people’s funerals, or they won’t go to yours.
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Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."
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How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off of it’s head.
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A cab driver reaches the pearly gates. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven. Next in line is a preacher. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow and says, "OK, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff." The preacher is shocked and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!" St. Peter responds matter-of-factly, "This is Heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."
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Q: How many Ethiopians can you fit into a telephone booth? A: All of them.
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Why did Osama Bin Laden kill his wife? When she spread her legs he saw bush.
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Q: Did you hear the joke about an Earthquake and Japanese nuclear reactor? A: Not cool.
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The judge asks the murderer: Why did you kill that old lady? For money.. But you got only 20 cents Yes, but killing five of them would already make a dollar.
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Question: What should a man do if his wife runs into the room during a baseball match and keeps disturbing you? Answer: Shorten the chain.
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Since it started to rain, my wife can't stop looking through the window. If it will start pouring down, I'm afraid I will have to let her inside.
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What's funnier than cancer? Most things, really.
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