Joke #4393

Always go to other people’s funerals, or they won’t go to yours.
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This could be considered the ideal world for many men: His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties. His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy. A picture of his wife on the milk carton.
Vote: has 76.27 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, black humor, family, life, men
One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor: Help me, please. I have a knife in my back. The doctor, looking his watch says: Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you. Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8. But tomorrow morning I will be dead. You must help me now. The doctor, angrily says: I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you. You must pass here tomorrow. But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead. Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back. The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye. Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.
Vote: has 45.68 % from 43 votes. Send joke:
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What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is white, plastic, and dangerous to children. You put groceries in the other.
Vote: has 73.01 % from 114 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, kids, music
What happens if you upset a cannibal? You get into hot water.
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What do you do if an epileptic falls in your pool? Throw in your laundry.
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Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the third man's turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"
Vote: has 83.60 % from 105 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, family
Old man: "Can you give me an erection?" Faith Healer: "I can make the blind see, make the lame walk and I can even cure cancer. But, I'm sorry I cannot raise the 'dead'."
Vote: has 79.18 % from 64 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, black humor, death, old people
Q: How do you get a Jew to win a race? A: Drop a quarter at the finish line.
Vote: has 61.37 % from 63 votes. Send joke:
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Q: What do you do when you see a black man with half a face? A: Stop laughing and reload.
Vote: has 27.01 % from 70 votes. Send joke:
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Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
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