Joke #4394

Death is God’s way of saying, ‘Hey, you’re not alive any more.’
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A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers". She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?" To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."
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A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."
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And these kids do not deserve a present from me, because they have not been eating well this year, - said Santa Claus, flying over the starving kids in Sudan.
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Q: Why are jelly beans alot like the world? A: Because everyone hates the black ones.
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Q: What do you do when you see a black man with half a face? A: Stop laughing and reload.
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Latecomer: Am I too late for the bonfire? Host: No jump up there on the sticks, there is room next to that Guy.
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What's black and red, wears high top Reeboks and cant go through a revolving door? A nigger with a spear through his head.
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A Mexican and a nigger are riding in car. Who's driving? A cop!
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Seven friends once pulled this at my college cafeteria. One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest; he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends sitting along the sides. When the cafeteria was pretty full of people, he made a loud noise (to attract attention), stood up, bent over and squeezed his chest. This caused a huge gush of green liquid to spew all over the table; the other six immediately began to eat this green liquid. I think a lot of food went uneaten that night.
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Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion? "Ask your sister" "I don't have a..."
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