Death is God’s way of saying, ‘Hey, you’re not alive any more.’
Q: What's the best thing about ISIS jokes? A: The execution.
Q: What's the difference between Jesus Christ and a painting of Jesus Christ? A: It only takes one nail to hang a painting.
How many dead babies does it take to change a tire? Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.
"If I could be someone for one day I would be Justin Beiber and run off a cliff"
Two clones are on a roof. One clone pushes the other clone off. The next day the police arrest him for making an obscene clone fall.
Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? He did okay until his business fell off.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline? When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
What do you call of 6 year old with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor.
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach. But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
Patient: "Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?" Doctor: "That is what I want to find out myself."