Death is God’s way of saying, ‘Hey, you’re not alive any more.’
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What do you call 100 niggers on the bottom of the sea?
A good start.
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First cannibal: "Come and have dinner in our but tonight."
Second cannibal: "What are you having?"
First cannibal: "Hard-boiled legs."
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A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken.
The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."
John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital.
One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool.
David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act.
He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK.
Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died."
David: "Doctor, he didn’t hang himself. I hung him there to dry."
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First Cannibal: "Who was that girl I saw you with last night?"
Second Cannibal: "That was no girl, that was my supper."
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Latecomer: Am I too late for the bonfire?
Host: No jump up there on the sticks, there is room next to that Guy.
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What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana ?
One's composing, the other is decomposing.
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After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks.
He untied her and they had sex.
Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in.
Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."
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Q: What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust?
A: The cost.
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