Joke #4394

Death is God’s way of saying, ‘Hey, you’re not alive any more.’

Awwww, kids. They blow up so fast... Get it, kids grow up so fast.

I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.

Mother, "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick, "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother, "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick, "What school?"

A man answers the telephone to find a doctor from the hospital's emergency room on the other end. "Sir," explains the doctor, "Your wife was in a serious car accident. I have bad news and good news." The man, taken back, asks hesitatntly, "What's the bad news?" "The bad news is your wife has lost all use of both arms and both legs. She will likely be on a respirator for the rest of her life." "Heavens, Doc, what's the good news?" The doctor replies, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

What goes: "Click-is that it? Click-is that it? Click-is that it?" A blind person with a rubix cube.

"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."

I gas the only problem I have with the wold now is all the deutchbags.

A man wakes up and finds himself in a hospital room, one with only himself in it. He has no recollection of how he got there. While pondering it, his bedside phone rings, and he answers it. A doctor on the other end identifies himself, and tells the man: "I have really bad news. You're very sick. After your collapse yesterday, we ordered several tests, and got the results back this morning. I'm afraid you have Avain flu, Ebola, and you're positive for HIV and hepatitis." Stunned, the man asks "Well, what's next!? What are you going to do?" The doc replies: "Well, for starters, we're putting you on a strict diet of only pizza." The patient asks: "Will that really help me, doctor?" "No", the doc responds. "But it's all we can fit under the door."

There was a 3 car accident in Mexico yesterday, 84 people were found dead.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a table? You can't fuck a table.