Latecomer: Am I too late for the bonfire? Host: No jump up there on the sticks, there is room next to that Guy.
KFC in Asia? Korean fried cat.
Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."
There's some soldiers in Vietnam. And they've been pinned down in their trench for days. Finally one guy says,"Fuck this I really have to pee guys. Lay down covering fire, i'll run into the bushes. When I'm done I'll give a signal and you can give me covering fire while i run back." So they lay down fire, and he runs off into the jungle. But he's gone for a good half an hour, they're finally convinced that he's been murdered by Charlie when they hear the signal. So they lay down fire and he sprints out of the jungle and leaps back into the trench. So obviously they're pretty confused. They ask "what the hell took you so long man?" The guy says, "well i was just finishing up my business, when I met this beautiful Vietnamese girl, and we just started having sex right there. we did every position imaginable, missionary, doggy style, everything. It was great." One of his buddies asks "Well did you get any head?" He replies "There was no head."
It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds. An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?" Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son."
I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store. I thought "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"...
Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor? They were given a right roasting.
Only nowadays there appeared a possibility to realize yourselfe: sell your liver, kidneis, skeleton...
Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall? A: To see her crack.