Latecomer: Am I too late for the bonfire? Host: No jump up there on the sticks, there is room next to that Guy.
Q: Why do old Jews have outhouses? A: Because their afraid of the showers.
Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones? Because they're hand made.
Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads? Because they're headcases.
Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas? A: Cancer.
A man who wants to murder his wife goes in a pharmacy and asks for cyanide. "I'm sorry sir, but I can't give you cyanide just like that." Without a word, the man takes out his wife's photograph and holds it in front of him. The pharmacist apologizes, "My mistake, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
So a little kid and a child molester start walking into a forest. They keep walking for what seems like hours, and it gets darker and darker and darker, and the forest gets deeper and deeper and deeper. The kid turns to the child molester and he says "Gee mister, it sure is scary out here!" The child molester says "How do you think I feel, kid? I'm gonna have to walk out of this forest by myself!"
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
Q: What did Hitler get for his birthday? A: An easy bake oven and a GI-Jew.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline? When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off of it’s head.