Joke #4404

Well, you know what they say: unlucky in love, get the clap.
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Q: How do you know a blonde just lost her virginity? A: The crayons are still sticky.
Vote: has 67.68 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
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Yo mama is so fat whenever I want to make sex I would request her to fart in order to find the address of her ass.
Vote: has 67.04 % from 190 votes. Send joke:
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Roses are red lemons are sour. Open your legs and give me an hour.
Vote: has 66.56 % from 101 votes. Send joke:
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Worst way to ask for anal: "Aww come on...I bet my dick is tiny compared to some of the shits you've taken!"
Vote: has 60.33 % from 200 votes. Send joke:
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Two sperm are in the body looking for the egg when one of them starts to wonder why it is taking so long. He asks the other sperm, "aren't we near the uterus yet?" "No," replied the other sperm, "we haven't even gotten to the esophagus."
Vote: has 53.35 % from 80 votes. Send joke:
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Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
Vote: has 43.49 % from 105 votes. Send joke:
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‘Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.’ Fred Allen
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A tight rope Walker is walking a tight rope between two buildings on the 85th floor in new York. At the same time in South Texas is getting a blow job from a 85 year old lady. What are both men thinking? Don't look down.
Vote: has 62.63 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
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Man to friend: ‘I read a survey that said half the men in the UK masturbate in the shower, and the other half sing. Do you know what they sing?’ Friend: ‘No I don’t.’ Man: ‘I thought you wouldn’t.’
Vote: has 72.24 % from 360 votes. Send joke:
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This guy goes to the doctor due to a wicked headache that’s been hanging around for over a week. He asks the doc if he could provide something to make it go away. The doc has just purchased a new diagnostic machine (similar to those used to diagnose car problems, except this one diagnoses humans), and he’s been dying to try it out on his first patient. He says to the guy “not only will this thing tell you what’s wrong with you, but it will even prescribe a remedy. All you need to do is provide a urine sample, which I will then pour into this funnel at the top." The guy does as instructed, the doc pours the sample into the analyzer, then after about 20 seconds of beeping noises, buzzing, and flashing lights the machine spits out a piece of paper into the bottom tray. The doc picks up the paper, reads it, and then says, “you have tennis elbow”. The guy says, “that doesn’t make sense. I don’t even play tennis, and my elbow feels fine. My head on the other hand is fucking killing me…” At this point the doc interrupts and says, “nonsense, this device doesn’t lie. I want you to go home and soak that elbow overnight and then come back and see me tomorrow morning, and don’t forget to bring another urine sample with you.” The guy leaves, but on the way home decides that this doctor is full of shit. He then has an idea. Once home, he finds a mason jar and deposits a small urine sample into it. He then gets his wife, daughter, and dog to also make a contribution. Not satisfied with this he scrapes some oil off the garage floor under where his car is parked and drops that into the mix, and for the icing on the cake he chokes his chicken long enough to get the desired results, drops that into the jar, seals the lid, and then gives the concoction a good shake. “There ya go, doc. Stick that up your computer!” Next morning he hands the doc the jar. Doc pours the contents into the machine. This time it takes a full 10 minutes for the paper to drop. Doc picks it up and begins reading: “Your wife’s pregnant, your daughter’s fucking the entire football team at Richmond High, your Doberman has rabies, your Volvo needs an oil change, and if you don’t quit spanking your monkey you’ll never get rid of this tennis elbow!”
Vote: has 80.03 % from 884 votes. Send joke:
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