Well, you know what they say: unlucky in love, get the clap.
Wife comes back from the doctor and says to her husband: Honey, I have a sad news - a gynecologist told me not have sex for a three weeks... Husband: And what the dentist said?
Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS? A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.
This little kid is walking up the street with his Daddy. They see two dogs going at it. The little kid says "Hey daddy what are those doggies doing?" The father says "Ahh, they're making a puppy." That night the little kid walks in on his mother & father and daddy's on top driving it home to mama! The little kid says "Hey daddy what were you doing with Mommy?" He says "Oh, were making it a baby." The kid say "Turn her over, I want a puppy!"
‘Its been a rough day. I put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.’ Rodney Dangerfield
Q: What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy? A: At least when you are eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you.
Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office. But she belonged to someone else... One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a Ł100 if you let me have sex with you." But the girl said, "NO." Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up." She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for Ł200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down." So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She responded, "The bastard used coins!"
Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time. Julie: "I should warn you, Ted -- I've got acute angina." Ted: "Your breasts aren't bad either."
Sex without condoms is magical... A baby appears and father disappears.
The vicar never entertained lewd thoughts – they always entertained him.
"Name?" "Abdul Aziz." "Sex?" "Three to five times a day." "No, no... I mean male or female?" "Yes, male, female, sometimes camel." "Holy cow!" "Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general." "But isn't that hostile?" "Horse style, doggy style, any style!" "Oh dear!" "No, no! Deer run too fast..."