Joke #5186

What is the difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free.
Vote: has 41.83 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Q: What are the three rings of marriage? A: The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.
Vote: has 56.78 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wedding
The young fellow is about to marry and asks his grandfather how often a married couple should have sex. His grandfather tells him, "When you first get married, you want it all the time, maybe several times a day; later on, maybe once a week. As you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year, maybe on your anniversary." The young fellow asks, "How about you and Grandma?" His grandfather replies, "Oh, we just have oral sex now. She goes into her bedroom and I go into my bedroom. She yells, 'F**k you,' and I holler back, 'F**k you, too!'"
Vote: has 54.34 % from 118 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, marriage, sex
Husband to wife: ‘I hear you’ve been telling everyone that I’m an idiot.’ Wife: ‘Sorry, I didn’t know it was a secret.’
Vote: has 86.16 % from 286 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
I got really love sick the other day working away from home. Went to the doctors and they said it was chlamydia.
Vote: has 22.70 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, marriage
A man is talking to the family doctor, "Doc, I think my wife’s going deaf." The doctor answers, "Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn’t answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you’ll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is." The man goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says, "Honey, what’s for dinner?" He doesn’t hear an answer, so he moves closer to her. "Honey, what’s for dinner?" Still no answer. He repeats this several times, until he’s standing just a few feet away from her. Finally, she answers, "For the eleventh time, I said we’re having MEATLOAF!"
Vote: has 85.89 % from 486 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, family, food, marriage, wife
A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life. That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning. As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet. The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.
Vote: has 51.55 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, birthday, life, love, marriage
Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck. Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal. Each man will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next man in line will marry her and so on. All the men get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different man each week. The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies... The first week after wasn't too bad. The second week was geting sort of bad. The third week was getting pretty bad. The fourth week was really bad. The fifth week was horrible! By the sixth week it was unbearable... so they buried her.
Vote: has 36.08 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: desert island, disgusting, marriage, time, women
A third-grade teacher is getting to know her pupils on the first day of school. She turns to one little girl and says, ‘And what does your daddy do?’ The girl replies, ‘Whatever Mummy tells him to.’
Vote: has 85.71 % from 188 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
When you try to change a man, you basically undertake his mother’s role; And she made him eat spinach and study for school...
Vote: has 57.40 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, school
My wife keeps telling me I shouldn’t pee in the bath – or if I really have to I should at least wait till she gets out.
Vote: has 85.62 % from 154 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage