The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then they marry him.
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Joe took his blind date to the carnival.
"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.
"I want to get weighed," she said.
They ambled over to the weight guesser.
He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the ferris wheel.
When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.
"I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went.
Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.
"I want to get weighed," she responded.
By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"
Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
A man and his wife agreed on a code to use in front of their kids when they want to have s*x.
The code is: "Making a call."
One day the man ask his son to tell his mother, that dad wants to make a phone call.
The boy returns to his dad, that mom says she is out of order.
Then he ask him to tell her, that dad will go outside to make a phone call.
The boy returns, that mom says, "If you do so, she will open a central telephone station in the house."
A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower.
He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom.
When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she sees all of him well. Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared, and she asked shyly, "What's that?", pointing to a small part of his anatomy.
He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, "Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night."
She, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?"
She has her husband eating out of the palm of her hand – it saves on the washing-up.
How do you know when you honeymoon is over?
When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast.
Some strangers sit at the bar.
One guy says, "My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG."
Another guy asks, "What's that?"
The first guy says, "I am a Single, New Age Guy."
Another guy says, "My name is Gary, and I am a DINK."
A lady asks, "What's that?"
He says, "Double Income, No Kids."
The lady says, "That's nice. My name is Gertrude, and I am a WIFE."
Larry asks, "A WIFE?"
Gertrude says, "Wash, Iron, F**k, Etc."
Marriage is love.
Love is blind.
Marriage is an institution.
Therefore: marriage is an institution for the blind.
Wedding anniversaries are a time when men pause and reflect on what it was they did before they were married: anything they wanted to.
Vote:
Q: What food diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%?
A: Her wedding cake.