I love cats – they taste just like chicken.
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Q: What's the difference between a freezer and a fag?
A: A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
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Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends?
A: He plays with Pooh.
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What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
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There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl.
Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans.
Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies.
When they got there, he asked her if she wanted some popcorn and Coke.
She said sure, so he went to the restroom.
The line was long, so he went back to the lobby, got the food, and went back into the theatre.
When the movie was over, he goes to the bathroom again, still with a tremondously long line.
So he figures he can wait until he drops her off.
When they pull up into her driveway, she exclaims, "Oh goodie. My grandparents are here. Come on in and meet them."
He agrees, although his A-hole is about to cry at this point.
They go in and sit down at the table.
Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer a tried to let it seep out a little at a time.
As he squeezed out a toxic blast, he aimed it towards the family's hound dog Duke, in hopes that they might blame the pooch for the horrendous fart.
The girl's father stands up and hollers "Duke!" and sits back down.
"Great!" he thought.
"They really think it's the dog!"
So, he starts bombarding the room with a couple, more powerful, louder stinkers.
Once again, the girl's father stands up, shouts "Duke!" and sits back down.
Finally, he lets it all go and the loudest most hair-curling fart you've ever heard or smelt rippled through the dining room.
The girl's father stands up again. "Duke, get the hell out from under him before he shits on you!"
Q: Why do men fart louder than women?
A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
What's the difference between a leprechaun and gonorrhea?
One's a cunning runt.
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Q: How do you know a gay guy has farted?
A: He needs to change his pants afterward.
Q: What do parsley and pubic hair have in common?
A: You push them both aside when you eat.
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Yo mama is so stinky that she scared the fly's off the shit wagonrn.
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Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.
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