Joke #4479

I love cats – they taste just like chicken.

What is the definition of revenge? A baby with a dog in its mouth.

Mom! I'm a 3D printer! Oh come on, Tommy, close the door when you poop.

Q: What's the difference between a cook and a gay? A: The cook stirs today's lunch, whereas the gay stirs yesterday's dinner.

A cowboy rides in the desert and comes upon a Native American lying naked with a hard-on. He asks, "What are you doing?" The naked man replies, "I'm finding out the time -- it is 12:15." The cowboy looks at his watch and thinks, "Wow, it really is 12:15." The cowboy continues and sees another Native American lying naked with a hard-on. He asks, "What are you doing?" The naked man replies, "I'm seeing what time it is -- it is 3:15." The cowboy looks at his watch and that is the correct time. The cowboy continues and finds a third Native American lying naked on the ground, masturbating. The cowboy asks what he's doing and he replies, "I'm winding my watch."

Did you hear about the midget that went into the whorehouse? He got a twat in the face.

Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian? A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!

Q: What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Q: Why did the referee stop the leper hockey game? A: There was a face-off in the corner.

What did Obi Wan say when Luke was constipated? "Use the F-O-R-C-E Luke!"

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!" "That's right!" shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl. The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," Little Johnny answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," he answered. Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?" Little Johnny replied, "A puppy!"