I love cats – they taste just like chicken.
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This desperate guy named Jim goes to the whorehouse with 5$.
He buys a the cheapest prostitute named Sandpaper Sally.
As they start to have sex, Jim screams, "Ouch! Now I know why they call you Sandpaper Sally!"
Sally scoots out of the room.
Five minutes later she came back and Jim attempts sex once again.
"What the hell happened?" asks Jim, "This is the best sex I''ve ever had!"
Sally replies, "Oh, I just picked my scabs."
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What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield?
It's ass.
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Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark?
A: He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.
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When is the best time to bury that baby you killed?
When it starts talking to you again.
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Q: Did you hear about the depressed proctologist?
A: He's been feeling down in the dumps.
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Q: What's worse then finding 10 zombie babies in a garbage can?
A: Finding one zombie baby in 10 garbage cans.
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Why should you only put 239 beans in bean soup?
Cuz one more will make it "too farty!"
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Q: What do women and cats have in common?
A: Pussy farts.
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How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
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Q: What compliment do you NOT want from a midget?
A: Wow! Your hair smells good!
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