Joke #4479

I love cats – they taste just like chicken.
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What's green and eats nuts? Syphilis.
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What's grosser than gross? Two Siamese twins connected at the tongue. What's even grosser than that? When one of them throws up.
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Two statues, male and female, faced each other in the city park for many years. An angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire." The statues came to life and smiled at each other. They ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?" The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?" Giggling, the female statue said, "Sure, but this time, you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head!"
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One day a miserable toothbrush sits down and says, "Sometimes I feel I have the worst job in the world." Then the toilet paper yells, "Think again buddy!"
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While grocery shopping, a single man comes across toilet brushes. "Wow! What a great idea," he thinks to himself and buys three of them. Two weeks later, however, he goes back to using toilet paper.
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Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms? A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands.
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Q: What do you call someone who doesn't fart in public? A: A private tooter.
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How can you tell if a porno was made in the 70's? The guys' schlongs have sideburns!
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What do you call an abortion in Czechslovakia? A cancelled Czech!
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The bartender looks a little worried, but asks him what would he like. "A cup of boiled water please" "Water? I thought you guys drank blood" "Today I was in the mood for tea", says the vampire while taking out a tampon.
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