Q: What is worse than waking up the morning after an orgy with pubic hair in your teeth? A: Waking up with a lump in your throat and a string hanging out of your mouth.
A guy sees a classified ad that says "Will give Blow Job while singing the Star Spangled Banner at the same time." The guys thinks to himself that it sounds interesting and unbelievable, and so decides to pay her a visit. She lets him in and says that the lights have to be off. So she turns the light off and starts sucking his dick. All of a sudden he hears the Star Spangled Banner, clear as day. He really wants to know how she is doing this so he flips on the lights. All he sees on the floor is a glass eye.
Yo mama so damn short, she uses salt shaker as a toilet.
What do Mario LeMieux and Courtney Love have in common? They both shower after three periods!
Q: Who is brave? A: He who has diarrhea and wants to fart!
Knock knock. Who's there? Urine. Urine who? Urine trouble if you don't open the door.
Q: How can you tell if you're in a gay church? A: Only half the congregation is kneeling.
What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroke-n-off
Three guys compare their levels of intoxication from a party the previous night. The first guy says, "Man, I was so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks." The second guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning on my front porch." The third guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I took a prostitute home to my wife." The first guy exclaims, "You guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs. A: Ground Beef!