Joke #4481

I’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man they love in a cat.

A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! "Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks. "No," says the psychic, "in biology class."

What is a chameleon's motto? A change is as good as a rest.

Where do cows like to ride on trains? In the cow-boose.

Chuck Norris uses live piranhas as bath toys.

How to you know that cows will be in heaven? It's a place of udder delight.

What do you call a cow on a trampoline? A milkshake.

Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup." Waiter: "That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much."

What do you get if you cross a cow with a spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster? A cockerpoodlemoo.

One day a man heard knocking at his door. He opened the door only to see a small snail sitting there smiling. The guy picked the snail up and threw it as far as he possibly could. Three years later he heard knocking at the door again. He opened the door to see the snail. The snail said, "What the hell was that all about?"

Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."