I’ve never understood why women love cats.
Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate in a man they love in a cat.
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How would you get four reindeer in a car?
Two in the front and two in the back.
And how do you get four polar bears in a car?
Take the reindeer out first.
What do you get from a short-legged cow?
Dragon milk.
Why is manna from heaven like horse hay?
Both are food from aloft!
What do you call a dinosaur that destroys everything in its path?
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
A punk rocker gets on the bus with green, yellow, purple and orange hair.
An old guy sitting on the bus stares at him, and the punk says, "What's the matter, old man, didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?"
And the old man says, "Yeah, one time I fucked a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid."
How many animals can you get into a pair of tights?
10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 p*ssy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
Why do cows wear bells around their necks?
Because their horns don't work.
Camper: "Look at that bunch of cows."
Farmer: "Not bunch, herd."
Camper: "Heard what?"
Farmer: "Of cows."
Camper: "Sure I've heard of cows."
Farmer: "No, I mean a cowherd."
Camper: "So what? I have no secrets from cows."
What is the golden rule for cows?
Do unto udders as you would have udders do to you.
Q: Why is the camel called the ship of the desert?
A: Because it's full of Arab semen.
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