Joke #4481

I’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man they love in a cat.

A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one. After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm. "But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend. "Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."

Two snakes are talking. One of them turns to the other and asks, "Are we venomous?" The other replays, "Yes,why?..." "I just bit ma lip."

Q: What do you call a gay dinosaur? A: Megasoreass.

A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, "I don't know. It all happened so fast."

What happened to the cold jellyfish? It set.

A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can’t drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off. The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo." The man replies "I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies."

How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it.

What happens when you mix a frog with a bathtub scrubby-mit? A rubbit!

One day, two skunks named In and Out, asked their mother if they could go into a store and play. Their mother said yes, but only for an hour. An hour later, only Out came back. Their mother said, "Out, you'd better go back in and find In." About 10 seconds later, Out comes back with In. Their mother asked how Out found In so quickly. "Easy." Out said. "In-stincts."

My tomcat used to stay out all night, so I took him to the vet and had him neutered. Now he still stays out all night – it turns out he likes to watch!