I’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man they love in a cat.
"I can't decide whether to buy a bicycle or a cow for my farm." "Well, wouldn't you look silly riding a cow?" "I d look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!"
Q:What did the polar bear say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags? A:Mmmm, sandwiches!
What do you call a group of cattle sent into orbit? The first herd shot round the world.
What is the longest organ in a sheep's body? A New Zealander's cock!
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. “I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.” “Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. I’ve beaten him three games out of five."
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Two snakes are talking. One of them turns to the other and asks, "Are we venomous?" The other replays, "Yes,why?..." "I just bit ma lip."