There will always be death and taxes.
However, death doesn’t get worse every year.
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Where do fish keep their money?
In a river bank!
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A: Sue.
Q: And his son?
A: Bill.
Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player?
Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.
Dad, would you like to save some money?
I certainly would, son.
Any suggestions? Sure.
Why not buy me a bike, then I won't wear my shoes out so fast.
You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.
Should you trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travel agent?
A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?"
The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."
"TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"
Harry’s so cheap, he didn’t buy his wife a pearl necklace, he got her a length of string and told her to start a collection.
He was so poor he didn’t even get a yo-yo for Christmas.
His parents could only afford a yo.