Joke #4484

There will always be death and taxes. However, death doesn’t get worse every year.

The difference between the short and long income tax forms is simple. If you use the short form, the government gets your money. If you use the long form, the tax advisor gets your money.

Money should be utilized as a tool. You just gotta know which nuts to screw.

A worker approaches his employer and holds up his last wage packet. ‘This is two hundred pounds short,’ he says. ‘I know,’ says the employer. ‘But last week I overpaid you two hundred pounds, and you didn’t say anything.’ ‘Well,’ says the worker. ‘I don’t mind an occasional mistake. But when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention.’

Little Johnny was in church, getting restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Not able to take it anymore, he leaned over to his father and whispered, "Hey, Dad, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

Q: What's the best way of investing your money? A: Alcohol, where else do you get 40%?

Patient: "Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Please give me your bill." Doctor: "Be calm. You are not strong enough for this yet."

When can women make you a millionaire? When you're a billionaire.

One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, "How much is the yellow one?" The assistant says, "$2000." The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, "This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast." "What about the green one?" the man asks. The assistant says, "He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes." "What about the red one?" the man asks. The assistant says, "That one's $10,000." The man says, "What does HE do?" The assistant says, "I don't know, but the other two call him boss."

I lost 125 pounds. It took me a long time, and it cost me a lot of money, but I finally divorced the bitch!

Q: Once there was the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, Easter bunny, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde they were walking down the road when they saw a $100 dollars bill who gets it?? A: No one the first four doesn't exist and the other blonde thought it was a gum wrapper!