There will always be death and taxes.
However, death doesn’t get worse every year.
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Johnny collected lots of money from trick or treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. ' You should give that money to charity,' said the shopkeeper.
'No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity!'
NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars.
Only one could go and couldn’t return to Earth.
The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going.
“A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.”
The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question.
He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”
The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.”
“Why so much more than the others?” asked the interviewer.
The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars.”
Q: You know what lego set Trump played with as a kid?
A: The wall maker set.
Four Laws of Accounting:
1. Trial balances don't.
2. Bank reconciliations never do.
3. Working capital does not.
4. Return on investments never will.
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Insurance never covers you against damage sustained by Chuck Norris, as it's classed as an Act of God!
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Steve Austin had to be rebuilt as the Six Million Dollar Man after he looked Chuck Norris in the eye, shook his hand and then went weak at the knees.
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Q: Why did two women walk into a saloon pointing bananas at people and shouting: "GIVE US YER LOOT!"
A: They were both blonds.
A builder was once building a fence to surround a farmer's sheep.
The builder finished, and the farmer was ready to pay.
The builder then came up to the farmer and said: "Sir, I hope this isn't too a-fenc-ive.
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How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh?
Net Present Value.
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