An old man goes to his doctor and says, ‘Can you give me something to lower my sex drive.’
The doctor replies, ‘I would have thought at your age it’s all in the mind,’
‘It is,’ agrees the old man.
‘That’s why I want it lower.’
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A young couple get between the sheets for the first time.
In a flash it’s over.
The boy says, ‘If I’d known you were a virgin I’d have taken more time.’
His girlfriend replies, ‘If I’d known you were going to take more time I’d have taken off my tights.’
Yo' Mama is so fat, you have to slap her thigh and ride the wave in to have sex with her.
How do you know if your wife wears tights in bed?
Her toes curl up when you screw her.
A desperate man goes to the doctor because he can't get a hard-on.
He says " Doc I can't live without sex, I need the use of my equipment back!!
" The Doc says " There is an experimental procedure where the mucles
of a baby elephants' trunk are removed and implanted in your penis, this
gives you the full use of your penis."
Great I'll do it.
Some time after the procedure, the man is at dinner with his date.
He feels a rustle in his pants.
So he just ignored it.
It happens again.
So he figured it just needed some air.
So he unzips his pants to let it
out. The problem seemed to go away until his penis reached up onto the
table, grabbed a roll and disapeared back under the table.
His date stared
in complete awe and said " Can you do that again".
He said " Probally but I don't think I could fit another roll up my ass."
Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms?
A: So gay guys can play star wars.
Q: What do you call the sweat on your balls after having sex with your cousin?
A: Relative humidity.
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A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.
The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error.
Not long enough."
What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.
Q: Chuck Norris invented the internet?
A: Just so he had a place to store his porn.
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You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex?
Because he never fucks up.
Vote: