Two old ladies are discussing their dead husbands.
‘Tell me,’ says one.
‘Did you have mutual orgasms?’
‘No,’ says the other.
‘I think we were with the Prudential.’
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How can you tell if your girlfriend’s frigid?
When you open her legs, the lights go on.
A sexy girl looks at the big beer belly of a man and asks:
Is that Carlsberg or Tuborg?
There‘s a tap underneath it – why don‘t you taste it yourself?
Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Q: Why did dinosaurs have sex under water?
A: You try to keep five hundred pounds of pussy wet!
It’s the morning after the honeymoon.
The wife says, ‘You know, you’re a really lousy lover.’
The husband replies, ‘How can you possible tell that after only 30 seconds.’
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values.
Stuart said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab?
A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.
Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday.
She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants.
So, I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea.
Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it.
She'll probably be thrilled!"
So the first fella did just that.
The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion?
How did it turn out?"
"She loved it.
She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."
What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is using a feather.
Kinky is using the whole chicken.