Two old ladies are discussing their dead husbands.
‘Tell me,’ says one.
‘Did you have mutual orgasms?’
‘No,’ says the other.
‘I think we were with the Prudential.’
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Two policemen are walking the beat when one says, ‘When I get home, I’m going straight upstairs and tearing off the wife’s underwear.’
‘Feelling randy?’ asks the other.
‘No,’ says the first. ‘The elastic is killing me.’
We're like hot chocolate and marshmallows...
You're hot and I wanna be on top of you.
Advice for office managers: Keep the sexual harassment complaint forms in the bottom drawer.
That way, when she goes to get one you'll get a great view of her arse.
What do you say to a virgin?
Thanks for nothing!
Q: What have condoms and tires in common?
A: Good year.
A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.
She was thrilled at the speed.
"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.
"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.
And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over.
The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.
"Go and get help!" he cried.
"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"
"Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."
Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station.
Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."
Viagra is like Disneyland; a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
Did you hear about the new contraceptive pill for men?
You put it in your shoe and it makes you limp.
Q: What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy?
A: At least when you are eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you.
Vote:
The aged patient doddered into the doctor’s office with a serious complaint.
"Doc, you’ve got to do something to lower my sex drive."
"Come on now Mr Peters," the doctor said, "your sex drives all in your head."
"Thats what I mean, you’ve got to lower it a little."