Two old ladies are discussing their dead husbands.
‘Tell me,’ says one.
‘Did you have mutual orgasms?’
‘No,’ says the other.
‘I think we were with the Prudential.’
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Men, don’t buy expensive ‘ribbed’ condoms; buy an ordinary one and slip in a handful of frozen peas.
An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking.
They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman's apartment.
After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed.
Afterward, they're both laying there, staring at the ceiling.
The old man is thinking, “Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her.”
The old lady is thinking, “Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my panties.”
What’s a man’s definition of safe sex?
Meeting his mistress at least 30 miles from his house.
She’s got her very own method of birth control.
She takes her make-up off.
Wanna go on an 'ate' with me? I'll give you the 'D' later.
Girl, do you need to get your protein macros up?
Because I'd gladly put my meat inside you.
Which is the most confusing day in America?
Father's day!
80% don't know whom to wish.
Rest 20% are scared someone will come and wish them.
Vote:
Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.
A guy and a girl are lying in a room after just having sex.
The girl lays on her side of the bed and rests.
The guy goes to his side of the bed and says to himself, "Man, oh Man I finally did it! I'm no longer a virgin."
The girl overhears him talking to himself and asks, "Are you saying you lost your virginity to me?"
"Well," the guy explains, "I always wanted to wait until I was with the woman I love to lose my virginity."
Astounded, the girl replies,"So you really love me?"
"Oh God no!", the guy says."I just got sick of waiting."