Joke #4489

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
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More jokes about: marriage

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Husband to wife: ‘You have a flat chest and hairy legs. Tell me, have you ever been mistaken for a man?’ ‘No,’ replies his wife. ‘Have you?’
Vote: has 35.78 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
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Harry's wife says, "Harry, do these jeans make my ass look like the side of the house?" He says, "No, our house isn't blue."
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
A guy stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity: looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the damn ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," says his partner. "You'll never hit her from here."
Vote: has 86.07 % from 673 votes. Send joke:
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An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband. When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!" The old man says, "Hell no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"
Vote: has 32.79 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
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I got really love sick the other day working away from home. Went to the doctors and they said it was chlamydia.
Vote: has 24.28 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, marriage
A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. The wife answers: "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?" The husband laughs and says: "An English girl!" The woman kept quiet and left. Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?" "Very good, thank you," replies the wife. "And, what happened to my present?" "Which present?" "I asked for, the English girl?" "Oh, that! Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if its a girl!"
Vote: has 53.15 % from 46 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, marriage, travel, wife
Husband: "Right now, for this Women's Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!" Wife: "Oh dear, I will miss you!"
Vote: has 84.37 % from 62 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: holiday, marriage, mean, women
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. "Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me." "I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."
Vote: has 50.64 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, celebrity, divorce, marriage
How did Barack propose to Michelle? He got on one knee, pulled out a ring, and said "I don't wanna be obamaself."
Vote: has 44.67 % from 38 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, political, wedding
I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning." "What is she doing?", the pal asks. "Waiting for me to get home."
Vote: has 54.09 % from 57 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, time, wife