Joke #4555

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person’s got, you wish you’d ordered that.
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Wife:"There's trouble with car. It has water in the carburetor." Husband:"Water in a carburetor? That's ridiculous." Wife:"I tell you the cas has water in the carburetor." Husband:"You don't even know what a carburetor is.I'll check it out. Where's the car?" Wife:"In the pool."
Vote: has 53.13 % from 124 votes. Send joke:

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I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

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An 87-year-old man chats with his doctor: "So, I'm getting married again next week, doc!" "Oh, that's wonderful! And how old is the bride?" "She's 19." "That's fantastic – but I have to warn you, too much action in the bed can be deadly!" "Ah well, if she dies, I'll just have to remarry."
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

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The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
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Jill tells her husband, “Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can’t you do that?” “Gosh,” Jack says, “why I hardly know the girl.”
Vote: has 70.72 % from 200 votes. Send joke:

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Personally, I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that, as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.
Vote: has 86.08 % from 142 votes. Send joke:

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"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man." "That's correct," says the defendant. "Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing her." "That's correct," says the defendant. "Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?" asked the prosecutor. "It seemed easier," replied the defendant, "than shooting a different man every day!"
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
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Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband : Nothing. Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."
Vote: has 63.54 % from 449 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, time, wife
Walking down the street, a man hears a voice: "Stop! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down and kill you." The man stopped; a big brick fell in front of him. The astonished man continued walking to the cross walk. The voice shouted, "Stop! If you take one more step, a car will run over you and you will die." The man stood still; a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh yeah?" the man asked. "Where the hell were you when I got married last week?"
Vote: has 53.91 % from 180 votes. Send joke:

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