Joke #1425

Q. What’s got 4 legs and bleeds? A. Half a spider!
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal

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Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch. First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows." Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows." Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows." Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they've ever seen. At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp. First Bull: "I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend." Second Bull: "I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. I'm certainly not looking for an argument." They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting. First Bull: "Son, don't be foolish, let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it." Third Bull: "Hell, he can have all my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull."
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has 83.79 % from 136 votes. More jokes about: animal
I have asked my mamma: "Mamma, why do we have 10 cock birds but only 1 hen?" Mama has said to me: "Because I want that she has a better life than I had."
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has 75.60 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, life, sex
Q: What did the emu say to the nurse? A: Mend her bones or walk the plank
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has 25.67 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, nurse
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."
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has 55.51 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, sport
Chuck norris can eat chicken tonight tomorow.
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has 32.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
Q: What do you get when you cross a collie with a trumpet? A: A Lassie who plays brassie!
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has 57.36 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal
Where did the mooron take the baby cow to eat? To the calf-ateria.
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has 47.37 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
When Chuck Norris gets angry, forests explode from their own boiling sap. When Chuck Norris laughs, flowers bloom and butterflies hatch.
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has 48.78 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost!
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal
Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage. Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry. Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days. Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below. As they descend, they see a man walking his dog. One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, "Where are we?" The man yells back, "About a half mile from town." Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the mist. One flyer says to the other, "He must have been a lawyer." The other says, "A lawyer! How do you know that?" The first says, "That’s easy. The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant."
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has 75.91 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, lawyer, travel