Q. What’s got 4 legs and bleeds? A. Half a spider!
What do you call an operation on a rabbit? A hare-cut.
What's the difference between a tiger and a lion? A tiger has the mane part missing.
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup." Waiter: "So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?"
Tom was walking down the street when he sees a funeral procession. At the head was the casket, behind was a man walking a very large dog and behind him were 300 people. Tom walks over to the guy with the dog and asks who’s funeral is this? The man answers, “My mother-in-law’s.” Tom wishes his condolences and asks, “She must of been a very important person, but what’s with the dog?” He answers, “This is the dog that killed her!” So Tom asks, “can I borrow the dog for an hour?” He responds, “Get on line!”
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
Chuck Norris once won the Iditarod by pulling his team of dogs on the sled.
First Caribou: What kind of math do owls like? Second Caribou: Owlgebra.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boy scout? A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.
Koala: What do you mean, I'm not a bear? I have all the koalafications. Elephant: Your koalafications are completely irrelephant. Lion: Don't listen to him! He's lion! Bear: This arguing is becoming unbearable!
What is a moo hoo for the bucket that goes at the back end of the cow? A tail pail.