Jones aside. ‘You’re in perfect health,’ he says.
‘Your wife didn’t give me an erection, either.’
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Two very elderly men were having a conversation about sex.
Elmer says, "Yes sir, I did it three times last night with a 30 year old!"
Leon replies, "You're kidding! I can't even manage to do it once! What's your secret?"
To which Elmer said, "Well, the secret is to eat lots of whole-wheat bread. I'm not kidding!"
So the second old man rushed to the store.
The clerk asks the old man, "May I help you?"
"Yes, I'd like four loaves of whole-wheat bread, please," said Leon.
"That's a lot of bread! It's sure to get hard before you're done!" the clerk remarked.
Leon replies, "Damn! Does everyone know about this except me?"
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you?
A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
Vote:
A man is in a hotel lobby.
He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
Men and women can be friends without any sex involved.
It's called marriage.
My girlfriend used to give amazing blow jobs, but lately they haven't been so great - they are starting to hurt me now since her baby teeth started growing in.
Bill and John, in their 80's decided to visit the Madam for one last sexual encounter.
The Madam noticed Bill and John approaching, she quickly prepared 2 blow-up dolls, placing one in each room on the bed.
Bill and John told the Madam that "We are here for the last time".
The Madam sent Bill upstairs to the room on the left and John to the room on the right.
After an hour Bill and John left the rooms, paid the Madam and left.
Bill and John were very quiet until Bill said: "How was yours"?
John said, "I think she was dead".
John said, "How was yours"?
Bill said, "I think she was a witch".
John replied, "How did you know she was a witch"?
Bill said, "Well I got on top of her, bit her nipple, she farted and flew out the window."
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Q: The male sex has two hobbies. What are they?
A: His left hand and his right hand.
Vote:
A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex.
He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her.
All these years she had no clue.
One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo.
She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!"
He said, "Explain the kids!"
I heard that the missionary position helps men to work out the chest and triceps... do you wanna help me verify this?