Our baby looks just like me. But that’s OK, as long as he’s healthy.
An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. Then the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. "Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"
Chuck Norris has 2 kids. We know them as Pain and Suffering.
When Chuck Norris was a child, he would play with real logs instead of Lincoln logs.
Heres what you do: 1. Dinner 2. Kiss 3. Movie 4. Sex 5. Bring her back home 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting
It was at an amusement park on a brutally hot day when I saw a father with 2 kids. "Who’s enjoying the most?" I asked cheerfully. "I am" said one. "I am" said the second. "No," the father said "their mother is!"
Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout? A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.
What is black and white and red all over? (A panda bear with a sunburn!)
Q: What is a banana's favorite gymnastic move? A: The splits!