Joke #4524

Our baby looks just like me. But that’s OK, as long as he’s healthy.

On a men's bathroom wall, someone had hastily scrawled, "I slept with your mother." Underneath it, another person had written, "Go home dad, you're drunk."

This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad. He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!

Two starving cannibals, a father and son, were out trying to get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path. Before long, along came a little old man. The son said, "Oh Dad, there’s one." "No," said the father. "There’s not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We’ll just wait." A little while later, along came a really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he’s big enough." "No," the father said. "We’d all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We’ll just wait." About an hour later, there came this absolutely gorgeous woman. The son said, "Now there’s nothing wrong with that one Dad, let’s eat her." "No," said the father. "Were not going to eat her either." "Why not?" asked the son. "Because, we’re going to take her back alive, and eat your mother."

Nurse: "If youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half." Me: [visibly confused] Wife: "The grapes, not the baby."

Light was heard saying to his son, "Keep practicing and one day you will be faster than the speed of Usain."

A group of children once said, "Red rover, red rover, send Chuck Norris over." Those children were the dinosaurs.

When teacher entered the class little Jonny slowly said: "Sir excuse me; your zipper is open." So the teacher thanked him and fastened his zipper. He went near little Jonny and told him: "My dear it would better to say: the office door is open." Next day when the teacher entered the class, unfortunately, his zipper was again open! Little Jonny loudly shouted: "Not only the office door is open but also the teacher is at the door and two small students are beside him."

Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta

Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."

A little boy was so exited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother. He repeated that to his techer every day, when he came to school, "Im getting a brother." One day his mom alllowed him to feel the baby's kicks in her belly. The next day he came to school and didnt say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happend to his brother. He replyed, "I think mommy ate him."