Joke #4526

The more people I meet, the more I like my cat.

Two deer hunters were not having any luck so they asked for advice from an old-timer. "You can just about guarantee a deer if you learn to hunt with dogs," he said. The two hunters got a trained deer dog and hit the woods. At the end of the day and still empty-handed, one hunter said to the other, "Maybe tomorrow we'll get one if we throw the dog out of a higher treestand."

Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey. He chews bees...

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes? A: The guy who gave it to him.

First Kangaroo: How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros? Second Kangaroo: The elephant has a better memory.

Chuck Norris won the Kentucky derby, on a Unicorn.

Why did the gray whale go on a diet? Because he wasn't a Fin whale.

What do cows do when they re introduced? They give each other a milk shake.

Q: Why do gorillas have big noses? A: Because they have big fingers!

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender… "Pour me a stiff one – just had another fight with the little woman." "Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one end?" "When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees." "Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?" "She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'"