The more people I meet, the more I like my cat.
Q: What do you call a horse that plays the violin in a musical? A: Fiddler on the hoof.
I've just discovered a method for making wool out of milk. But doesn't that make the cow feel a little sheepish?
A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, and dirty Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."
If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.
Law of Pill Rejection Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
What’s black and white and makes a lot of noise? A zebra with a drum kit.
Why was the racehorse names Strawberry Ice? He was a sherbet!
A lion was getting rather old and slow and having difficulty catching its prey. It decided it needed a disguise so that other animals did not know it was a lion and would not run away. So it goes into a fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla suit. It then heads for a watering hole to see if it can catch something with its new disguise. On the way it comes across two eagles sitting on a rock. One eagle says to it "Hi Mr. Lion!" The other said, "Where did you get the gorilla suit?" The lion, rather frustrated, asks, "How did you know I was a lion?" The eagles then started to sing, "You can't hide your lion eyes".
A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown. She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep. She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?" The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?" "Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car. The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"
What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties? "Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo."