Joke #4526

The more people I meet, the more I like my cat.
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has 32.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal

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A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor. "How much do I owe you?" the lady asks. "$345," says the doctor. "$345!!?" the lady asks. "Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."
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has 75.20 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, doctor, dog, money
Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
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has 74.05 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: accountant, animal, kids, tax
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest? When its raining cats and dogs.
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has 22.31 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, dog, weather
What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other? Isaiah.
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has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
Chuck Norris uses live piranhas as bath toys.
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit." The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said "Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it." So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper." So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement. She began to moan and groan aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises. The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, "Now wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you're doing?" The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the bastard!"
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has 80.39 % from 5791 votes. More jokes about: animal, doctor, love, sex
What newspaper do cows read? The Daily Moos.
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has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What is a thespian pony? A: A little horse play
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal
Your house is so dirty I saw rats on dirt bikes.
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has 23.75 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty
One day, a guy decides to go ice fishing. He gets out onto the ice and starts making a hole with his ice augur. Suddenly he hears a booming voice say "there's no fish there!" He looks around startled but doesn't see anyone. He packs up and moves to another spot and starts working on a new hole. Again he hears the booming voice "there's no fish there!" He moves again and starts making a new hole and hears the voice again. "There's no fish there!" it booms. He looks up nervously. "G-G-God? I-I-Is that... you?" he asks. "No, it's the arena manager. Get the fuck out of here!"
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has 79.34 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, god, management, vulgar