Q: Why do gorillas have big noses? A: Because they have big fingers!
What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other? Isaiah.
Teacher: Kids,what does the chicken give you? Kids: Meat! Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you? Kids: Bacon! Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you? Kid: Homework!
If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.
Q: What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy? A: Hoppalong Cassidy.
Will I ever be able to race my horse again the owner asked the vet. The vet replied, "You certainly will, and you ll probably beat her too!"
If a hungry shark is after you, what should you feed it? Jawbreakers.
A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing. "These," she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce." She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"
Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.