A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
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Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch.
One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?"
The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side…
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
(A teddy boar!)
What happened to the frog's car when his parking meter expired?
It got toad!!
Some say Chuck once sneezed a rhino inside out.
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Animal testing is a terrible idea;
they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
When does a rabbit go exactly as fast as a train?
When it's on the train.
A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, "What are you doing in there?" she asked.
The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" The lady confirmed,
"Yes."
"Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."
Dog Property Laws
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If its in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway.
7. If it just looks like mine, its mine.
8. If I saw it first, its mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If its broken, its yours.
Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner?
He was already stuffed!
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