Wife to husband: ‘One more word and I’m going straight back to mother!’
Husband: ‘Taxi!!’
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Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called the vicar who had married her.
"Reverend," she wailed, "John and I have had a dreadful fight!"
"Calm down, my child," said the Reverend, "it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"
"I know, I know!" said Joanna, "but what on earth am I going to do with the body?"
How do you know when you honeymoon is over?
When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast.
Q: How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married?
A: There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.
Q: What's the difference between a divorce and a circumcision?
A: In a divorce, you get rid of the whole schmuck.
Even the story of Sir Walter Ralegh confirms that he put his brand new coat over bumps with mud for his wife to cross it.
Why?
Because he was on sea for 15 months and he desperately wanted to have sex.
No normal man that is well in his brains would do this to his expensive coat.
Husband: "Right now, for this Women's Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!"
Wife: "Oh dear, I will miss you!"
Q. Why don't little girls fart?
A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.
A woman turns to her husband on their silver wedding anniversary and says, ‘Darling, will you still love me when my hair turns grey?’
Her husband replies, ‘Why not?
I stuck with you through the other six shades.’
What are Women Really Thinking?
So many men, so few who can afford me.
Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich.
Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
Guys have feelings too, But ... who cares?
And your point is?
Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.