Joke #4672

Always talk to your wife when you’re making love – assuming there’s a phone handy.
Vote:
has 39.39 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: marriage

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

I'm going to watch my wedding video later "backwards". I love the end bit when she takes the ring off, goes back down the aisle and jumps in the car.
Vote:
has 63.67 % from 343 votes. More jokes about: car, love, marriage, wedding
My wife keeps telling me I shouldn’t pee in the bath – or if I really have to I should at least wait till she gets out.
Vote:
has 72.31 % from 200 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Vote:
has 82.78 % from 1125 votes. More jokes about: fat, marriage, ugly
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."
Vote:
has 85.61 % from 1759 votes. More jokes about: dad, god, kids, marriage, wife
Wife to husband: ‘When I married you you said you had an ocean-going yacht!’ Husband: ‘Shut up and row.’
Vote:
has 41.84 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan they were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From the inside they head a Pakistani accent say, "you foreigners come in. Come in my humble shop." so the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great dessert camel" Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being a sex hero he as. The husband, "how could sandals make you into a sex freak?" The Pakistani man replied, why don't you see for yourself?" Well , the husband after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped then onto this feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in years-- raw sexual power. In a blink of an eye the husband rushed of too the Pakistani man threw him on the table and started tearing at the guy's pants. All the time the Pakistani man was screaming, "YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET"
Vote:
has 74.89 % from 399 votes. More jokes about: gay, marriage, sex, travel, wife
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor!"
Vote:
has 62.00 % from 277 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, sex, wife
The man was looking for a way, over and over, for his wife so she can drive more carefully and he found it; "Darling, if an accident happens, the police will record your real age!"
Vote:
has 83.20 % from 248 votes. More jokes about: age, cop, marriage, wife
Mr. Smith's wife has been in a coma for four months. The nurses have come to realise that she moves every time they wash her crotch area. The doctors think hard about this. They bring in Mr. Smith and say that they have a good idea. Perhaps if he practices oral sex with her she will wake out of the coma. Mr. Smith would do anything so he asks for some privacy. He soon rushes out saying, ''I think she's choking!"
Vote:
has 84.80 % from 786 votes. More jokes about: marriage
The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, and bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said. "That was when mommy came to work for us?"
Vote:
has 83.62 % from 282 votes. More jokes about: church, marriage, wedding, work